1 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,381 [CHRIS ROCK] WE WERE THE LAST PHILOSOPHERS. 2 00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:15,715 EVERYBODY NOW THAT TALKS 3 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:18,785 IS READING FROM A PRE-APPROVED SCRIPT. 4 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:24,391 YOU KNOW, EVEN OUR "ALLEGED" SMART PEOPLE, 5 00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:28,094 YOU KNOW,ARE, ARE CORPORATELY CONTROLLED. 6 00:00:28,128 --> 00:00:31,765 YOU KNOW, SO THERE'S ONLY ONE GROUP OF PEOPLE 7 00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:34,634 THAT KINDA SAY WHAT THEY WANNA SAY. 8 00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:36,836 STAND UPS. 9 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,705 [BILLY CONNOLLY] I THINK IT'S WONDERFUL THAT AT ONE END 10 00:00:38,738 --> 00:00:41,408 OF THE SOCIAL SIDE OF SOCIETY 11 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,410 THERE'S THIS CROWD OF NUTTERS 12 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:46,112 WHO'LL TALK ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER 13 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:48,448 AND DYING AND SALT AND CLOUDS 14 00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:51,785 AND RUNNING ABOUT NAKED. 15 00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:55,789 AND TALKING ABOUT VENEREAL DISEASE AND CANCER AND POLITICS. 16 00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:57,791 I THINK IT'S ONLY POETRY 17 00:00:57,824 --> 00:01:00,427 THAT COMES UP TO THE SAME ESTEEM. 18 00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:04,764 IT'S BEYOND ART. 19 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,867 IT'S A MAGIC TRICK, YOU KNOW. 20 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,437 REAL MAGIC. 21 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:13,440 [PAUL PROVENZA] WE'RE ASKING A ROOM FULL OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE 22 00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:17,143 TO HAVE AN INVOLUNTARY PHYSICAL RESPONSE 23 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,813 SIMULTANEOUSLY. 24 00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,748 IT'S FUCKING WEIRD. 25 00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:25,318 [SARA SILVERMAN] YOU WANT TO PLEASE THE AUDIENCE, 26 00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:26,820 BECAUSE THAT'S WHY YOU DO STAND UP 27 00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:30,190 IS 'CAUSE OF SOME FUCKED UP NEED INSIDE OF YOU 28 00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:33,626 TO, TO HAVE APPROVAL BY STRANGERS. 29 00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:36,663 [KEVIN HART] I HAVE TO GET ON STAGE. 30 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:39,666 THAT SERVES A VALUABLE PURPOSE IN MY LIFE. 31 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:41,835 THAT'S WHAT I LOVE TO DO. 32 00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,370 IT'S MY, IT'S MY MUSE. 33 00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:45,905 IT MAKES, IT CALMS ME, IT PUTS ME AT EASE. 34 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,608 I DON'T, I CAN GO ONSTAGE AND JUST TALK ABOUT ANYTHING, 35 00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:51,478 AND I GET AN IMMEDIATE RESPONSE. 36 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,646 WHEN YOU'RE A COMEDIAN, YOU'RE AUTHOR, 37 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,648 YOU'RE DIRECTOR, YOU'RE ACTOR. 38 00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,852 WHAM! IT IS EITHER FULL APPROVAL 39 00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:01,855 OR FULL DISAPPROVAL ON YOUR ESSENCE 40 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:03,723 ON WHAT YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE 41 00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:06,426 AND HOW YOU REALLY SEE LIFE. 42 00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:09,429 JOKES ARE MEANT TO BE TOLD 43 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:12,599 NO MATTER WHAT, IN THE, IN THE EYE OF THE STORM, 44 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,467 YOU GOTTA TELL THAT JOKE. 45 00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:16,769 YOU GOTTA TELL IT BECAUSE YOU WANNA, 46 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,638 YOU, YOU, YOU WANNA BE DANGEROUS, 47 00:02:18,671 --> 00:02:21,641 YOU WANNA MOVE, YOU KNOW, THE, THE NEEDLE. 48 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:25,345 THE FUN IS THAT WHEN YOU RISK 49 00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:27,580 AND IT SCORES, 50 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,516 IT'S HALLELUJAH. 51 00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:13,760 [CLAPPING] 52 00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:18,965 [JERRY] THE FIRST TIME YOU GO ONSTAGE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA 53 00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:22,602 HOW HARSH AN ENVIRONMENT IT ACTUALLY IS. 54 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:26,306 AND, 'CAUSE WHEN YOU WATCH COMEDIANS, 55 00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:27,840 WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT, 56 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,009 IT SEEMS LIKE THE AUDIENCE IS KINDA HAVING 57 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,778 A GOOD TIME ANYWAY. 58 00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:34,647 AND THIS GUY COMES ON AND HE SAYS SOME FUNNY THINGS, 59 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:35,949 AND THEN THEY HAVE AN EVEN BETTER TIME. 60 00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:37,951 THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 61 00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:42,322 THAT'S NOT WHAT, WHAT'S HAPPENING, AT ALL. 62 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:45,658 UH, WHAT'S HAPPENING IS NOTHING. 63 00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:48,361 ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 64 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:51,864 IT IS DEAD, SOLID, 65 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:56,569 QUIET, ROOM OF UNHAPPY PEOPLE. 66 00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:58,838 AND YOU HAVE TO START FROM THAT. 67 00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,473 [MALE INTERVIEWER] 68 00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:03,610 NO. 69 00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:04,944 AND I'M ALWAYS JEALOUS OF THESE PEOPLE, 70 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,646 THE FIRST TIME IT WAS AMAZING. 71 00:04:06,679 --> 00:04:09,649 MINE WAS A HORRIFIC EXPERIENCE WHERE I BELIEVE 72 00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:11,651 I LEFT MY BODY AND WET MYSELF AT THE SAME TIME. 73 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,519 I DON'T THINK THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE 74 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:16,022 IN, LIKE, A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT AND THAT HAPPENED. 75 00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:18,858 I HAD WRITTEN ALL THIS MATERIAL, I FORGOT ALL OF IT, 76 00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:21,427 AND I IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THIS KIND OF LIKE, 77 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,596 SHUTDOWN MODE, AND I WAS BABBLING, 78 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,598 JUST BASICALLY BABBLING LIKE A SHELLSHOCK, 79 00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:27,467 LIKE, BA-DA, YOU KNOW. 80 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,102 AND AFTERWARDS, YOU KNOW, 81 00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:30,870 THE CROWD MAYBE GAVE ME A COUPLE OF PITY CLAPS, 82 00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:32,472 THAT WAS IT. 83 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,474 AND I REMEMBER JUST LIKE IN A FOETAL POSITION 84 00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:37,176 IN MY BED AND MY MOM GOING, "WHAT'S WRONG?" 85 00:04:37,178 --> 00:04:38,847 AND I'M LIKE, "I'M GOOD AT NOTHING." 86 00:04:38,849 --> 00:04:41,252 I REMEMBER JUST TELLING HER THAT. "I CAN'T DO ANYTHING." 87 00:04:41,253 --> 00:04:42,888 I JUST KINDA FELL INTO IT. 88 00:04:42,889 --> 00:04:44,057 BECAUSE I WOULD WATCH THE AMATEUR NIGHTS. 89 00:04:44,058 --> 00:04:46,460 I'D GO, "THESE PEOPLE ARE HORRIBLE." 90 00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,855 YOU KNOW, IF THEY CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT. 91 00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:50,089 AND THEN I WENT UP THERE, 92 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,392 AND I WAS WORSE THAN THEM. 93 00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:54,394 I MEAN, I WAS LITERALLY UP THERE AND I STARTED, 94 00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,062 LIKE, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH 95 00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:59,832 AND I STARTED, I REMEMBER JUST MAKING NOISES. 96 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,501 LIKE, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT... 97 00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:03,036 AYE, YA, AYE, YA. YOU KNOW? 98 00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:06,572 I COULDN'T EVEN GET THROUGH WHAT I HAD PLANNED TO DO 99 00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:09,876 WHICH WAS ONLY ABOUT FIVE MINUTES OF THINGS. 100 00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:13,046 I WAS SO SHOCKED AND ROCKED 101 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:17,750 BY THE DENSITY OF THE AIR IN THE ROOM. 102 00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:20,720 AND YOU FEEL THE MOOD OF THE ROOM. 103 00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:24,123 IT'S JUST THIS CEMENT BLOCK. 104 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,492 AND I JUST, 105 00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:30,496 I JUST LEFT THAT NIGHT AND I WAS... 106 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,031 DEVASTATED. 107 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,733 THERE WAS ABOUT SIX PEOPLE 'CAUSE IT WAS RAINING 108 00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:35,068 AND I JUST DIED ON MY ARSE 109 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:36,769 AND SOME GUY YELLED SOMETHING LIKE, 110 00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,471 "GO BACK TO SCHOOL" OR SOMETHING. 111 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,807 IT WAS SOMETHING REALLY FLIMSY LIKE THAT. 112 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,142 ANYWAY, IN THE RAIN, 113 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,144 WE DROVE BACK AND MY DAD WENT, 114 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:48,848 "YEAH WELL, YOU'RE A, YOU'RE GOOD AT A LOT OF DIFFERENT THINGS. 115 00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:50,850 -THIS IS A... -[INTERVIEWER LAUGHING] 116 00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:52,819 THIS PROBABLY ISN'T A THING FOR YOU. 117 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:56,022 BUT YOU ENJOY IT AS SOME TYPE OF HOBBY, 118 00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:59,892 THEN, UH, YEAH, WELL, IT CAN'T HURT REALLY. 119 00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,462 YOU KNOW, IT COULD HURT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, SURE." 120 00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:05,665 I GO TO AUDITION FOR LUCIAN 121 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,533 AND, UH, I, I, KILLED. 122 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,035 I THOUGHT THE SET WAS AMAZING. 123 00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:10,770 YOU KNOW, HE, HE WAS A COMEDY CLUB OWNER, 124 00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:12,105 AND THESE GUYS WOULD WATCH YOU 125 00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:13,873 AND THEN THEY''D TAKE YOU IN THE BACK 126 00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:16,576 AND TELL YOU IF YOU COULD MAYBE WORK IN THEIR CLUB OR NOT. 127 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:19,746 I GO INTO THE BACK AND I'M SITTING DOWN AND I'M LIKE 21. 128 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,615 I'M LIKE, "HEY, MAN, I JUST WANT TO SAY, THANK YOU. 129 00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:24,951 THIS IS COOL, MAN." DA, DA, DA, YOU KNOW. 130 00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:27,653 "YOU LET ME COME HERE AND AUDITION." 131 00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:28,988 HE'D TALKED LIKE THIS, HE WAS LIKE, 132 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:31,457 "WELL, KEVIN, UM... 133 00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:37,797 I DIDN'T SEE IT. 134 00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:39,665 I DIDN'T SEE IT TONIGHT." 135 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:43,169 I'M LIKE, "SEE WHAT? WHAT, WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" 136 00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:47,673 "POTENTIAL." HE SAYS TO MY FACE. 137 00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:49,876 "POTENTIAL. 138 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,578 I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A COMEDIAN." 139 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:57,083 I SAID, "GODDAMN! TO MY FACE?" 140 00:06:57,116 --> 00:07:00,086 IT WAS VERY, VERY EARLY IN MY CAREER 141 00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:01,788 I BECAME AWARE OF THE POWER OF LAUGHTER, 142 00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:04,791 ACTUALLY I THOUGHT I WAS A FOLK SINGER AT THE TIME, 143 00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:06,926 AND I WAS ONSTAGE WITH MY BANJO 144 00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:08,928 I WAS SO FRAUGHT WITH NERVES 145 00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:10,630 THAT I FORGOT THE WORDS HALFWAY THROUGH 146 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,831 AFTER PLAYING THOSE, I WAS PLAYING IT QUITE WELL 147 00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,000 AND SINGING IT QUITE WELL, 148 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:16,035 AND THEN SUDDENLY, THE BLANK CAME. 149 00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,271 I THOUGHT, "OH, JESUS, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?" 150 00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:20,273 SO I SAID, "I'M, I'M SORRY. I FORGOTTEN THE WORDS." 151 00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,809 SO I STARTED TO TELL THEM WHAT THE SONG WAS ABOUT 152 00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:24,710 IN MY NERVOUS WAY. 153 00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:26,879 AND THEY STARTED TO TITTER AND LAUGH AND SCREAM. 154 00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,581 IT ENDED UP THEY WERE ROARING WITH LAUGHTER. 155 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,250 AND I THOUGHT, "OH. 156 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,686 I LIKE THAT NOISE." 157 00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:35,555 AS I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME 158 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:37,890 I WAS AWARE OF HOW IT FELT 159 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,225 TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH AND THAT WAS, 160 00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:41,194 I WAS AT COLLEGE. 161 00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:42,728 I STARTED DOING THESE FUNNY VOICES 162 00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:46,065 AND HALF ROUTINES, VERY KIND OF, 163 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:48,768 UH, I'LL-CRAFTED STUFF, 164 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,603 AND THEY LAUGHED A LOT. 165 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,939 AND I, AND I, I'LL NEVER FORGET 166 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,274 THAT FEELING OF MAKING A CROWD OF PEOPLE LAUGH. 167 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,143 'CAUSE WHEN I WENT OFFSTAGE, 168 00:07:57,176 --> 00:07:59,111 I, I JUST REMEMBER THINKING, 169 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,981 "THAT WAS SO EXCITING. THAT FELT SO GOOD. 170 00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:03,850 I REALLY, I HAVE TO DO THAT AGAIN. 171 00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:05,751 I WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN." 172 00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:08,254 AND THEN I SPENT THREE MONTHS, 173 00:08:08,287 --> 00:08:10,156 AND I WROTE A WHOLE NEW SET OF THINGS 174 00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:12,024 THAT I THOUGHT WERE FUNNY. 175 00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,193 AND I GOT ONSTAGE AND I GOT THE WHOLE 176 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,828 FIVE MINUTES OUT OF MY MOUTH. 177 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:18,231 I KNEW TO BE MORE PREPARED THIS TIME. 178 00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,600 YOU KNOW, THAT YOU HAVE TO MEMORISE IT 179 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,268 LIKE, ICE COLD. 180 00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:25,671 AND I GOT THROUGH IT, AND THE PEOPLE LAUGHED. 181 00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:28,608 AND THAT WAS THE GREATEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. 182 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:31,878 [SIREN BLARING] 183 00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:37,917 [STREET NOISES] 184 00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:43,890 [TOM DREESEN] EVERY STAND UP COMEDIAN 185 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,225 STARTS OUT EMULATING ANOTHER COMEDIAN, 186 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,327 BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT WORKS. 187 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,329 BUT THEN ANOTHER NIGHT, YOU LET A LITTLE BIT OF YOU OUT, 188 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,031 AND IT GETS A LAUGH, THEN YOU LET A LITTLE BIT MORE 189 00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:53,366 OF YOU OUT, AND THEN PRETTY SOON, 190 00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:55,234 YOU'RE YOU ONSTAGE. 191 00:08:59,405 --> 00:09:00,840 [RICK] IT TAKES YOUR ACT 192 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,708 TEN YEARS TO FORM, TO GEL. 193 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:08,314 YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT IS COMFORTABLE TO YOU. 194 00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:12,218 AND YOU HAVE THE GREATEST COMFORT AND LATITUDE 195 00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:13,920 WITH THINGS YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL LIKE 196 00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:15,054 A THIEF ABOUT. 197 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,890 WHEN YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN STUFF, 198 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,659 THAT'S THE FOREVER FOUNTAIN. 199 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,895 BUT IT'S ONLY OVER A PERIOD 200 00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:26,899 OF MANY, MANY YEARS OF GROWING AS A HUMAN BEING 201 00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,402 AND BEING ONSTAGE AND DEVELOPING MATERIAL 202 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,404 WHERE YOU REALLY CAN GET A SENSE OF YOUR OWN VOICE 203 00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:32,939 AND YOUR OWN IDENTITY, 204 00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:34,707 AND YOU CAN REALLY START SAYING, 205 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:38,044 "THAT'S MY MATERIAL, THAT IS BORN OF WHO I AM." 206 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,814 [KIRK FOX] MY FIRST TIME OUT, 207 00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,349 I DID THREE MINUTES THAT WERE GREAT, 208 00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:46,218 BUT I DID IT AS JESUS' BROTHER. 209 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:50,056 INSTEAD OF SAYING, "IMAGINE JESUS' BROTHER." 210 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:51,791 I WAS DOING AN IMITATION 211 00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,926 THAT I WAS JESUS' BROTHER. 212 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,261 AND IT DIDN'T WORK. 213 00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,797 UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE, I SAID, 214 00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:00,700 MAYBE NOT EVEN THE LAST MINUTE, I SAID, 215 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:02,735 "YOU KNOW, THIS WAS HILARIOUS THIS, THIS MORNING 216 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,071 IN FRONT OF A MIRROR." 217 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,239 AND EVERYONE LAUGHED. 218 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,343 AND THEN, RIGHT THEN, I, I, I UNDERSTOOD 219 00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:13,212 AT THAT MOMENT, SOMETHING THAT, 220 00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:16,182 THE ONE HONEST MOMENT GOT THE LAUGH. 221 00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:18,718 I WENT ONSTAGE TRYING TO DO THIS "MATERIAL" 222 00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:20,886 THAT I HAD WRITTEN, AND I ENDED UP 223 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,688 INSULTING THIS POOR LITTLE WOMAN IN THE FRONT ROW 224 00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:24,857 BY CALLING HER FLORIDA EVANS, 'CAUSE SHE WAS BALDHEADED. 225 00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:26,859 AND SHE LOOKED AT ME 226 00:10:26,892 --> 00:10:28,861 LIKE SHE WANTED TO FIGHT ME, 227 00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:30,196 AND I GUESS THAT FEAR OF, LIKE, 228 00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:32,164 "OH, MY GOODNESS. WHAT HAVE I DONE?" 229 00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,033 I JUST STARTED JUST TALKING ABOUT, "GIRL, I'M SO SORRY. 230 00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:36,035 LOOK, I WAS BALDHEADED 'CAUSE I HAD A BAD PERM ONCE, 231 00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:38,037 AND I PUT IT IN AND ALL MY HAIR FELL OUT, GIRL, 'CAUSE I UNDERSTAND." 232 00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:40,172 AND EVERYBODY JUST STARTED CRACKING UP AND I REALISED, 233 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:41,907 COMEDY'S REAL. 234 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,409 I'M TELLING 'EM SOMETHING THAT REALLY HAPPENED TO ME 235 00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:44,944 TO TRY TO GET OUT OF SOMEONE 236 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,412 WANTING TO FIGHT ME RIGHT NOW, 237 00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:48,414 AND THAT'S WHAT I REALISED WHAT MY FUNNY WAS, 238 00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,850 MY FUNNY IS REAL. MY FUNNY IS TRUTH. 239 00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:53,185 WHY WOULD AN AUDIENCE WANNA HEAR WHAT I'VE GOTTA SAY? 240 00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,720 WHY WOULD I WANNA SIT DOWN 241 00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:56,722 AND WATCH A BLOKE I'VE NEVER HEARD OF 242 00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:59,925 AND HEAR WHAT HE'S GOT TO SAY ABOUT HIS LIFE? 243 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:02,261 BUT THEN I STARTED TAKING ABOUT MY FAMILY, 244 00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,964 YOU KNOW, TALKING ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES OF BEING IN ENGLAND 245 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,465 AND TALKING ABOUT HOW IT FEELS TO BE 246 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,334 A YOUNG BLACK KID DOING... 247 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:11,337 AND I FOUND THIS, THIS VOICE, 248 00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:14,507 THIS INNER VOICE OF ME, A TRUTH, IF YOU WILL, 249 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,375 AND WHAT IT MEANT WAS 250 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,911 THAT I COULD SAY SOMETHING, QUITE PROVOCATIVE 251 00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:21,914 THAT WILL MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, BUT THEN ALSO THINK. 252 00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:24,250 I LIKE THAT. 253 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,951 A LOT OF COMEDIANS JUST WANT, 254 00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:28,421 LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH, LAUGH, 255 00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:31,891 LAUGH EVERY, WHAT IS IT, EVERY 15 SECONDS THEY SAY? 256 00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:34,894 UH, I LIKE, 257 00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:39,231 LAUGH, BOO, LAUGH, [GASPS], 258 00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:44,103 YOU KNOW, GASP, LAUGH, "GET OUTTA HERE," OR DISBELIEF. 259 00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:49,875 LIKE, I LIKE TO MIX EMOTION WITH LAUGHTER. 260 00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:53,546 EMOTIONS MUST NOT GET IN THE WAY OF THE WORK, 261 00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:56,549 BUT ALLOW IT TO JOIN THE WORK. 262 00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:58,551 AND THEN YOU'LL SAY THINGS AND DO THINGS 263 00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:00,319 THAT ARE COMING FROM HERE, 264 00:12:00,352 --> 00:12:04,323 AND YOUR AUDIENCE WILL KNOW THAT. 265 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:07,193 THEY'LL KNOW WHEN IT'S A SET JOKE, 266 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:10,062 AND THEY'LL KNOW WHEN IT'S COMING FROM YOUR HEART. 267 00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:13,399 YOU SHARE THOSE TWO ELEMENTS TOGETHER WITH YOUR BRAIN, 268 00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:16,836 LOCK IT IN AND GO NOWHERE WITHOUT IT. 269 00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,087 [FRANKIE BOYLE] I HAVE THIS SYSTEM WHICH I READ ABOUT 270 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:36,956 AS BEIN' SEINFELD SYSTEM, 271 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:39,058 BUT THEN I SORTA GOOGLED IT AND I CAN'T FIND ANY TRACE OF IT 272 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,961 SO IT COULD BE LIKE A DREAM I HAD, 273 00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:44,897 BUT EH, APPARENTLY, THE IDEA IS THAT YOU WRITE 274 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:49,068 EH, THREE JOKES A DAY THAT YOU'RE DEFINITELY GONNA DO ONSTAGE. 275 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,402 WHICH SOUNDS LIKE NOTHIN', RIGHT, 276 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,404 SO, BUT, YOU'VE DEFINITELY GOT TO SAY IT. 277 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:56,108 SO ON THE FIRST DAY, YOU FIND YOURSELF 278 00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:57,977 AT HALF PAST TEN AT NIGHT 279 00:12:58,010 --> 00:12:59,478 STILL NOT HAVEN'T WRITTEN THE THIRD 280 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,313 OR POSSIBLY THE SECOND OR FIRST JOKE 281 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,916 AND YOU'RE LIKE, "I CAN'T GO TO BED 'CAUSE I'VE NOT DONE IT." 282 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,552 AND THAT'S SO HORRIBLE THAT BY THE FOURTH DAY 283 00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:08,554 YOU'VE KIND OF GOTTEN INTO THE SYSTEM OF GOING, 284 00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:11,090 "OH, I'M GONNA, I'M GONNA, I'M GONNA DO IT EVERY DAY." 285 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,591 AND THEN WHEN YOU GET ONSTAGE, 286 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,593 YOU START DOING THEM AND THEY'RE TERRIBLE, 287 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,295 AND YOU HAVE TO DO THEM, 288 00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:19,431 YOU START TO GO, "OH, I BETTER MAKE THESE FUNNIER." 289 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,433 I WILL CALL MY SISTER AND I WOULD SAY, "OH, MY GOD. 290 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,135 I WENT HOME WITH A GUY LAST NIGHT 291 00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:24,637 AND HE HAD LIKE THE BIGGEST PENIS, 292 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:27,173 AND I BAILED AS SOON AS I SAW IT AND LEFT." 293 00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:29,208 AND EH, AND I'M TELLING HER OVER THE PHONE 294 00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:31,076 AND, SHE, WE'RE BOTH CRYING LAUGHING. 295 00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:32,578 AND I WAS LIKE, OH, "YOU SHOULD TRY THIS ONSTAGE." 296 00:13:32,611 --> 00:13:34,446 AND, OKAY. 297 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,282 AND THEN, SO IT BECAME JUST TALKING TO MY FRIENDS 298 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:37,983 OR FAMILY IN LIFE, 299 00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,985 AND THEN SEEING HOW THAT TRANSLATED TO THE STAGE, 300 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,087 FINDING THE PUNCH LINES IN IT. 301 00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:43,956 LIKE, I HAVE A JOKE THAT I WRITE, 302 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,624 AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK I WRITE IT OUT 303 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,493 TO SEE IF IT'S COME TO ME YET. 304 00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,662 AND I CAN'T, I STILL HAVE NEVER MADE IT WORK. 305 00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,530 I'VE TRIED IT ONSTAGE A FEW TIMES 306 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,533 WITH A COUPLE OF DIFFERENT SETUPS AND I CAN'T... 307 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,235 [INTERVIEWER] 308 00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,370 THAT PARTICULAR JOKE HAS PROBABLY BEEN IN THE WORKS 309 00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,605 FOR FIVE OR SIX YEARS. 310 00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:01,407 BUT THERE'S OTHER JOKES THAT I HAVE 311 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,609 THAT I'VE TRIED TO MAKE WORK FOR LONGER THAN THAT. 312 00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:05,411 YOU KNOW, TEN YEARS PROBABLY. 313 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:11,483 [KEENEN IVORY WAYANS] SO THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO 314 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,485 SIT AT HOME AND WRITE OUT THE JOKES 315 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,321 AND THEN THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO 316 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:19,491 TAKE CONCEPTS AND GO ONSTAGE AND TALK ABOUT THEM. 317 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,327 UM, AND, 318 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,964 AND THOSE GUYS TEND TO BE MORE IN THE MOMENT. 319 00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,665 I WAS ABOUT TO GO ON A MONTH AGO AT LARGO 320 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:31,704 AND I WAS LIKE, "I DON'T FEEL FUNNY. I DON'T FEEL FUNNY." 321 00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,706 AND, AND I WAS LIKE, 322 00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:35,241 "WHAT AM I GONNA DO?" 323 00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:38,244 AND EVERYTHING I THOUGHT OF TO DO 324 00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:40,246 WAS FAKE 325 00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:41,947 'CAUSE I DIDN'T FEEL FUNNY. 326 00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:43,449 AND THEN I JUST WENT ONSTAGE AND I WAS LIKE, 327 00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:45,451 "I DON'T FEEL FUNNY." 328 00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,186 AND IT WAS GOOD. 329 00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:53,425 [DAVID A. ARNOLD] IF I RUN INTO SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS, 330 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,294 IMMEDIATELY I'LL PULL OUT MY PHONE AND START 331 00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:58,163 TYPING, TEXTING, AND MY WIFE, SHE KNOWS. 332 00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,498 HE'S, HE'S WRITING, 333 00:14:59,531 --> 00:15:00,966 HE'S DOCUMENTING FOR THE STAGE. 334 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,368 AND SHE'LL BE GOIN' LIKE, "UH-UH. 335 00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:03,636 YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS TO THE STAGE." 336 00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:05,104 I'M LIKE, "YOU, THE HELL I'M NOT." 337 00:15:05,106 --> 00:15:06,975 I JUST JOT 'EM DOWN. 338 00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:10,676 SO IN HERE, YOU SEE HOW LONG THIS IS, 339 00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:14,213 THESE ARE JUST RANDOM THOUGHTS, 340 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,415 RANDOM JOKE THOUGHTS, 341 00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:17,750 FOR MY NEXT HOUR. 342 00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:19,285 ANYTIME I HAVE, UH, A FUNNY IDEA, 343 00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,619 I WRITE IT IN MY PHONE. 344 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,488 SO THEN I HAVE A BUNCH OF STRANGE NOTES 345 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:25,524 THAT MAYBE I DON'T FULLY UNDERSTAND. 346 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:27,760 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA TALK ABOUT. 347 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,762 I DON'T KNOW THE ORDER OF IT OR HOWEVER IT GOES. 348 00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,631 SO WHAT I DO IS 349 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:36,001 TO START MY NEXT HOUR OR TO START BUILDING AN HOUR, 350 00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:38,504 UH, ME, HARRY AND JOE, WE'LL GO TO THE COMEDY CLUB 351 00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:40,673 I'LL TAKE MY PHONE, I'LL LOOK AT MY NOTES 352 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,341 I'LL JUST START TALKING. 353 00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,343 "CALL THE LAW OFFICES OF BENDER AND BENDER 354 00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:47,212 IF YOU WANT A LAWYER WITH AN INDIANA JONES HAT." 355 00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,548 UH, "YOUR ENGAGEMENT DOESN'T COUNT 356 00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:52,251 UNTIL YOU POST THE PICTURE OF THE RING ON FACEBOOK." 357 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,586 "FAMILY TIGHTER THAN A WHITE PUSSY." 358 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,121 UH, THAT'S KINDA FUCKED UP. 359 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,556 I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT ONE OUT LOUD. 360 00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:00,359 I LITERALLY STARTED FOUR-AND-A-HALF WEEKS AGO 361 00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,061 WORKING ON A NEW ACT. 362 00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:03,495 I LITERALLY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE 363 00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:06,198 A PREMISE THAT I WANTED TO WORK ON. 364 00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:08,367 AND I WALKED ONSTAGE AND JUST TALKED TO THE AUDIENCE 365 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,436 FOR 45 MINUTES TO AN HOUR. 366 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,137 AND THEN, LITTLE BITS OF THINGS WOULD SHOW UP 367 00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:13,706 WHEN I WOULD TALK TO THIS PERSON. 368 00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,541 SOMEBODY WOULD SAY SOMETHING AND I WOULD SAY SOMETHING. 369 00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,710 I'M LIKE, I COULD SAY THAT AGAIN. I COULD SAY THAT AGAIN. 370 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:20,112 AND THEN, YOU KNOW, YOU CUT TO FOUR-AND-A-HALF, FIVE WEEKS LATER NOW, 371 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,581 AND I'VE GOT ABOUT 40 MINUTES OF, OF, AN ACT. 372 00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:26,352 I WILL GO TO THE WHITEST CITY, BOISE IDAHO, 373 00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:28,053 DES MOINES, IA, 374 00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:31,223 UH, GUNNISON, COLORADO, AND DO MY BLACKEST MATERIAL. 375 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:34,093 DO AN HOUR OF BLACK MATERIAL. 376 00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:36,428 IF THEY KNEW 20 MINUTES OF IT, 377 00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:38,130 I WOULD TAKE THAT AND LOG THAT AND SAY, 378 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:42,801 "OKAY. I KNOW THAT ANY WHITE, MIDDLE AMERICA PLACE 379 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,503 WHERE THERE'S NO BLACKS, 380 00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:46,505 THEY UNDERSTAND THIS 20 MINUTES." 381 00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:49,208 THEN I WILL GO TO LIKE, THE CHOCOLATE CITIES, CHICAGO, 382 00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:52,378 YOU KNOW, UH, NEW YORK, MIAMI, L.A., 383 00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:55,247 AND DO ALL OF MY POLITICAL, YOU KNOW, SO. 384 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,249 AND THEN IF THEY KNEW 20 MINUTES OF THAT, 385 00:16:57,282 --> 00:16:58,751 WE JUST LOCK IT TOGETHER, SO I KNOW NOW 386 00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:00,753 40 MINUTES OF WHEREVER I GO, 387 00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:03,589 PEOPLE ARE GOING TO, UH, KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 388 00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:07,126 AFTER I'M HAPPY, I'LL GO DO LIKE A SMALL THEATRE 389 00:17:07,159 --> 00:17:10,796 1500, 2000 AND SEE HOW, SEE HOW PEOPLE ARE RECEIVING IT 390 00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:12,498 FROM ME BEING FARAWAY. 391 00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,500 'CAUSE I NEED MY MATERIAL TO COME OFF INTIMATE, 392 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:15,834 EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT INTIMATE. 393 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,837 I'M A STORYTELLER, BUT, WITHIN MY STORIES 394 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,839 THERE'S HILLS AND VALLEYS. 395 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,208 SO I NEED THAT TO ALWAYS BE INTRIGUING. 396 00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:25,210 I DON'T EVER WANT THERE TO BE A DULL MOMENT. 397 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,212 BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE IN AN ARENA, IT'S SO LARGE, 398 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,281 THE MINUTE YOU LOSE PEOPLE'S ATTENTION, 399 00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:30,783 THEY START TALKING, THAT TALKING CAN, 400 00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:32,785 IT CAN GRAVITATE TOWARDS THE STAGE, 401 00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:35,154 IT CAN FUCK UP THE WHOLE ENVIRONMENT. 402 00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:37,256 SO EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE... 403 00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:38,590 A SMACK IN THE FACE. 404 00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:41,460 THE NICE THING ABOUT STAND UP 405 00:17:41,493 --> 00:17:43,462 YOU GET TO DO YOUR ACT 406 00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:46,465 OVER AND OVER AND OVER. 407 00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:48,467 AND, AND, AND THE AUDIENCE 408 00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:52,471 THAT IS, IS LAUGHING AT, AT A JOKE, 409 00:17:52,504 --> 00:17:56,475 HAS NO IDEA OF THE COUNTLESS AUDIENCES 410 00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:59,178 WHO HAD TO SUFFER THROUGH IT BEFORE. 411 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,280 [CREW LAUGHING] 412 00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:04,216 IT'S LIKE YOU WRITE WITH CHALK, 413 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,517 AND YOU DON'T KNOW 414 00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:07,519 THAT'S BILLIONS OF LITTLE ANIMALS 415 00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:10,255 THAT DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH. 416 00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:13,926 COMEDY IS PURELY A RESULT 417 00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:16,929 OF YOUR ABILITY TO WITHSTAND 418 00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:18,564 SELF-TORTURE. 419 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:25,170 THAT'S WHAT, THAT'S WHERE YOU GET GREAT COMEDY. 420 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:28,507 YOUR ABILITY TO SUFFER, AND GO, 421 00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,676 "THAT DAMN THING STILL DOESN'T WORK. 422 00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,678 I GOTTA, I'M GONNA WRITE IT AGAIN. 423 00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:34,546 I'M GONNA TRY IT AGAIN." 424 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:36,715 AND IF YOU'RE WILLING TO DO THAT, 425 00:18:36,748 --> 00:18:41,720 85 TIMES FOR A STUPID JOKE, 426 00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:43,956 OVER THE COURSE OF MANY YEARS, 427 00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:46,291 GREAT JOKES GET WRITTEN. 428 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,364 NO, I NEVER, I, YOU KNOW, 429 00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:54,533 I DON'T KNOW HOW, I LOOK AT MY ACT. 430 00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:56,235 WHAT I, WHAT I LIKE TO CALL "THE ACT", 431 00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:57,736 LIKE IT'S THIS MONUMENT. 432 00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:01,240 SOMETIMES I GO TO THE ACT AND I PRAY THERE. 433 00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:05,310 DEAR ACT, IF I MAY IMPLORE YOU TO GIVE ME A LITTLE, 434 00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:07,646 IS IT SO MUCH TO GIVE ME A LITTLE JOKE? 435 00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:09,815 HOW 'BOUT, "A JEW WALKS INTO A BAR" JOKE? 436 00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:11,283 ANYTHING. 437 00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,954 HOW 'BOUT EVERYBODY THAT WAS EVER IN A JOKE IS IN THE BAR? 438 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,456 HOW 'BOUT THAT? 439 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,991 THE MOST COMPLICATED JOKE EVER. 440 00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:21,793 AND THEN THE FARMERS DAUGHTER COMES IN AND SHE... 441 00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:33,705 [SAM TRIPOLI] COMEDIANS, IN MY OPINION, ARE JEDI'S. 442 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:36,708 THEY PLAY MIND TRICKS ON PEOPLE. 443 00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:40,712 AND THE BEST COMEDIANS PUT AN ENTIRE CROWD 444 00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:44,449 IN LIKE KIND OF A TRANCE. 445 00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:47,619 SO THE ENTIRE GROUP IS THINKING AS ONE. 446 00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:48,954 IN THINKING, 447 00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:53,392 IN THAT COMIC'S MIND THOUGHT PROCESS. 448 00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:56,728 AND THAT'S WHY WHEN SOMEBODY MESSES UP A LINE, 449 00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:59,898 IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE RECORD SCREECHED, RRR! YOU KNOW? 450 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,600 AND EVERYONE COMES OUT OF THE TRANCE, 451 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:03,769 AND THEN HE HAS TO PUT 'EM BACK INTO THE TRANCE. 452 00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:05,771 AND THAT'S HOW YOU GET CROWDS THINKING 453 00:20:05,804 --> 00:20:07,739 IN RHYTHM WITH YOUR ACT. 454 00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:11,510 AND THAT'S WHY THE GREAT COMICS HAVE A RHYTHM TO THEIR ACT. 455 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,679 I WOULD ALWAYS SOMETIMES SAY, YOU KNOW, 456 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:16,548 "HOW MANY OF YOU ARE IN THIS MAGNIFICENT ARENA 457 00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:17,883 FOR YOUR VERY FIRST TIME? APPLAUD." 458 00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,785 AND THEY WOULD APPLAUD. 459 00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:22,321 I'D SAY, "HOW MANY OF YOU ARE SEEING FRANK SINATRA LIVE? 460 00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:24,456 YOUR VERY FIRST TIME, APPLAUD." AND THEY'D APPLAUD. 461 00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:27,459 I'M IN CHARGE AND YOU'RE... 462 00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,328 I'M GONNA QUESTION YOU. 463 00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:33,065 THE FIRST THING I'M GONNA SAY IS A QUESTION TO YOU. 464 00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:35,601 HERE'S THE POINT. I TALK, YOU REACT. 465 00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:36,935 I TALK, YOU REACT. 466 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,471 I TALK, YOU... I GOT 'EM INTO MY RHYTHM. 467 00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:41,707 YOU KNOW, THIS WAS MY TRICK TO GET 'EM INTO MY RHYTHM. 468 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,709 YOU KNOW, AND, AND, FOCUS ON ME. 469 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,310 [INTERVIEWER] SO YOU'RE NOT SEEKING 470 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:46,578 THEIR APPROVAL AT ALL? 471 00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:49,014 NO, I'M SEEKING THEIR SUBLIMATION. 472 00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:50,549 [INTERVIEWER CHUCKLES] YEAH. 473 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:54,720 YEAH, LIKE THIS GUY'S A LITTLE SCARY. 474 00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:57,055 AFTER EVERY JOKE I WOULD TAKE A STEP BACK, 475 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,558 BECAUSE I WAS SO AFRAID OF, THE AUDIENCE. 476 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:01,460 YOU KNOW, SO BY THE END OF MY SET, 477 00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:03,028 I'D BE CLEARLY AGAINST THE WALL. 478 00:21:03,061 --> 00:21:04,563 YOU KNOW? 479 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:07,532 AND A FRIEND OF MINE SAID, 480 00:21:07,566 --> 00:21:08,867 "YOU KNOW, YOU DO IT 481 00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,736 AND, AND, YOU START EATING IT, 482 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:13,705 BECAUSE YOU DISCONNECT FROM THE AUDIENCE." 483 00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:15,407 SO WHAT I STARTED DOING 484 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,076 IS USED TO STARTED WALKING TOWARD THEM. 485 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,945 AND THEN ANOTHER THING THAT I STARTED DOING 486 00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:22,748 IS TO LOOK AT EVERYONE IN THEIR EYES. 487 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:25,450 I WOULD THINK THAT WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN A, 488 00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:27,386 A COMEDIAN AND AN AUDIENCE... 489 00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:32,591 I WAS TEMPTED TO SAY, "STAYS WITH THE COMEDIAN AND THE AUDIENCE." 490 00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:35,127 [ALL LAUGHING] 491 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,995 AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO LET THAT CAT 492 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,930 OUT OF THE BAG NOW. 493 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:43,468 I FEEL EVERY NIGHT I AM LINKING UP WITH EVERYONE 494 00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:45,971 UH, THERE IN THE AUDIENCE. 495 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:47,839 SO I'M TRYING TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF. 496 00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,775 SO I ENJOY THAT SHOW. 497 00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:51,543 THAT'S THE TRICK, I'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO KEEP THAT, 498 00:21:51,576 --> 00:21:52,711 I KEEP THE STUFF MOLTEN, 499 00:21:52,744 --> 00:21:54,579 CONSTANTLY READY TO MOVE IT. 500 00:21:54,613 --> 00:21:56,748 VERBALLY SCULPT IT INTO, EH, A PLACE, 501 00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:59,084 BUT EACH NIGHT I'M SLIGHTLY RESCULPTING IT. 502 00:21:59,117 --> 00:22:01,453 UM, LESS SO 503 00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:03,855 BECAUSE I FOUND THAT I KEPT RESCULPTING IT AND YOU GET IT GOOD 504 00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:05,557 AND THEN YOU KEEP RESCULPTING IT 505 00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:07,559 AND YOU GO, YOU'VE LOST THAT, THOSE GOOD BITS. 506 00:22:07,592 --> 00:22:09,561 SO I'M, I'M TRYING NOW TO SCULPT IT TO A PLACE 507 00:22:09,594 --> 00:22:13,932 AND THEN KIND OF SET IT, WITH WIGGLE ROOM. 508 00:22:13,965 --> 00:22:15,467 YOU KNOW, WHEN THE ZOMBIES ARE COMIN', 509 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:16,735 YOU JUST GOTTA KEEP SHOOTIN'. 510 00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:21,940 [COCKS GUN] RELOAD. 511 00:22:21,973 --> 00:22:23,942 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? AND EVENTUALLY, "YAY!" 512 00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:25,744 THE SHOW'S OVER AND PEOPLE GO, "YOU WERE GREAT." 513 00:22:25,777 --> 00:22:28,480 AND YOU GO, "THANK YOU." AND YOU GO, "WAS I?" 514 00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:29,815 EVERY AUDIENCE IS DIFFERENT. 515 00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:31,083 I THINK YOU SHOULD BE NERVOUS. 516 00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:32,617 I THINK THAT THERE SHOULD BE 517 00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:34,786 SOME ANTICIPATION OF 518 00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:36,121 "OH, MY GOD, ARE THEY GONNA LIKE THIS ONE? 519 00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:37,656 IS IT ALWAYS GONNA HIT?" 520 00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:38,990 UM, BECAUSE THEN YOU GET BORED. 521 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:40,525 UM, I DON'T LIKE BEING NERVOUS 522 00:22:40,559 --> 00:22:41,860 ESPECIALLY BEFORE A HUGE SHOW. 523 00:22:41,893 --> 00:22:44,196 I HATE THAT. I'M A THROW UP. 524 00:22:44,229 --> 00:22:45,897 YOU KNOW, I WANNA USE THE BATHROOM. 525 00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:47,599 I WANNA THROW UP. I WANNA QUIT. 526 00:22:47,632 --> 00:22:49,468 I WANNA PULL OFF MY HAIR AND THROW IT IN THE AUDIENCE. 527 00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:50,936 I WANNA, AH! 528 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:53,472 YOU GO THROUGH ALL THAT, UNTIL YOU HEAR YOUR FIRST LAUGH. 529 00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:55,173 AND THEN YOU'RE LIKE, 530 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:58,043 "OH, I AM SO FUNNY!" 531 00:22:58,076 --> 00:22:59,678 YEAH, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS. 532 00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:02,581 CHECK THE TOILET. 533 00:23:02,614 --> 00:23:03,915 DID YOU JIGGLE THE TOILET HANDLE? 534 00:23:03,949 --> 00:23:05,450 OKAY. JUST GON' WALK THROUGH THE SCENE. 535 00:23:05,484 --> 00:23:06,618 DID SHE JUST WALK THROUGH THE MY-- 536 00:23:06,651 --> 00:23:08,019 -YES... -THAT'S GREAT. 537 00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,889 ALL RIGHT, CLOSE THE DOOR. THIS IS SO GHETTO. 538 00:23:10,922 --> 00:23:12,724 -I APOLOGIZE. -[ALL LAUGHING] 539 00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:15,227 I WAS IN A CLOTHING STORE AND I'M WALKING AROUND, 540 00:23:15,260 --> 00:23:19,097 UH, PRIMARILY LOOKING FOR A SHIRT. 541 00:23:19,131 --> 00:23:22,467 JUST SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND MY INTENTION 542 00:23:22,501 --> 00:23:23,969 IN THIS STORY. 543 00:23:24,002 --> 00:23:26,138 AND A YOUNG MAN COMES UP TO ME AND HE SAYS, 544 00:23:26,171 --> 00:23:28,206 "MR. SHANDLING, COULD I TALK TO YOU A SECOND?" 545 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,209 AND, UH, I SAID, UH, 546 00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,044 "SURE. WHAT'S UP?" 547 00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:34,846 HE SAID, 548 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,849 "YOU KNOW, I, I, I'VE ONLY BEEN IN L.A., LIKE A FEW MONTHS 549 00:23:37,883 --> 00:23:40,185 AND I WANT TO DO STAND UP COMEDY." 550 00:23:40,218 --> 00:23:41,720 I SAID, "RIGHT." 551 00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:43,588 HE SAID, "WELL, 552 00:23:43,622 --> 00:23:45,757 THERE'S GOTTA BE A SECRET, RIGHT? 553 00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:47,559 THERE'S GOTTA BE A SHORTCUT." 554 00:23:49,995 --> 00:23:51,763 I SAID, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" 555 00:23:51,797 --> 00:23:53,598 HE SAID, "WELL, I KNOW, I HEAR ABOUT GUYS 556 00:23:53,632 --> 00:23:55,600 HAVING TO GO TO WORK IN CLUBS AND THEY GOT TO DO THIS 557 00:23:55,634 --> 00:23:57,102 AND THEY DO THIS AND IT'S ALL ABOUT THE WORK, 558 00:23:57,135 --> 00:23:59,971 AND YOU GOTTA GO AND TRY JOKES AND WRITE JOKES, 559 00:24:00,005 --> 00:24:01,907 BUT THERE'S ALWAYS A SHORTCUT." 560 00:24:07,012 --> 00:24:09,848 I SAID, "NO, THERE'S NO SHORTCUT." 561 00:24:09,881 --> 00:24:12,117 THERE'S LITERALLY NO SHORTCUT. 562 00:24:23,862 --> 00:24:25,263 [SULI MCCULLOUGH] TO BE A COMEDIAN 563 00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:27,532 MEANS YOU HAVE TO GO OUT AND TAKE YOUR COMEDY 564 00:24:27,566 --> 00:24:29,668 TO THE PEOPLE. 565 00:24:29,701 --> 00:24:31,670 AND NOT JUST DO IT IN THE PLACES 566 00:24:31,703 --> 00:24:35,006 WHERE, IT'S GLAMOROUS. 567 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,541 YOU GOTTA GO TO THOSE PLACES 568 00:24:36,575 --> 00:24:39,311 YOU MAY NOT NECESSARILY WANT TO GO TO. 569 00:24:39,344 --> 00:24:43,248 SO THEY SENT MY LITTLE ASS TO COLD-ASS MINNESOTA. 570 00:24:45,217 --> 00:24:47,052 "HEY, WHAT'D YOU THINK OF MINNESOTA?" 571 00:24:47,085 --> 00:24:48,720 "UH, IT'S FUCKING COLD." 572 00:24:52,891 --> 00:24:54,192 [KIRA SOLTANOVICH] YOU GET OUT ON THE ROAD 573 00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:58,597 AND IT'S ABSOLUTE PURE HELL. 574 00:25:05,070 --> 00:25:06,738 YOU'LL HAVE A CITY, 575 00:25:06,771 --> 00:25:08,240 AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE 576 00:25:08,273 --> 00:25:10,609 JUST SADNESS 577 00:25:10,642 --> 00:25:12,544 FOR MILES. 578 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:26,291 JUST HOURS OF NOTHING. 579 00:25:26,324 --> 00:25:28,994 NOTHING. AND IT'S THE SAME. 580 00:25:29,027 --> 00:25:32,063 THEY HAVEN'T PUT UP ANYTHING. 581 00:25:37,936 --> 00:25:39,604 [AMY] MY FIRST COUPLE YEARS ON THE ROAD 582 00:25:39,638 --> 00:25:42,941 WERE GOING WITH WHOEVER WOULD TAKE ME FOR $50 583 00:25:42,974 --> 00:25:44,943 TO DESPICABLE COMEDY CLUBS 584 00:25:44,976 --> 00:25:47,946 IN BASEMENTS OR IN ATTICS 585 00:25:47,979 --> 00:25:50,815 WHERE THE GREEN ROOM IS JUST LIKE A BAR 586 00:25:50,849 --> 00:25:53,385 AND THEY TAKE HALF OFF THE ONION RINGS FOR YOU. 587 00:25:53,418 --> 00:25:56,922 JUST HORRIBLE HOTELS, CROSSING HIGHWAYS. 588 00:25:56,955 --> 00:25:58,623 YOU KNOW, JUST, UGH, 589 00:25:58,657 --> 00:26:00,125 BEING EXCITED THAT THEY HAVE FREE YOGHURT 590 00:26:00,158 --> 00:26:03,194 AND ORANGE JUICE IN THE LOBBY. 591 00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:11,870 [MAN ON RADIO] WE EXPECT UP TO AN INCH OF SNOW AND A HIGH OF ONLY... 592 00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:16,808 [KIRA] SO YOU'RE DRIVING THROUGH THESE STATES, 593 00:26:16,841 --> 00:26:19,110 YOU'RE DRIVING TEN HOURS TO YOUR NEXT GIG... 594 00:26:22,814 --> 00:26:24,115 AND THEN YOU GET TO THIS GIG 595 00:26:24,149 --> 00:26:26,284 AND THEY PUT YOU UP IN SOME MOTEL 596 00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:28,887 THAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MURDERED IN, 597 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,156 A HUNDRED PERCENT GUARANTEED THEY'VE BEEN MURDERED IN. 598 00:26:33,458 --> 00:26:35,293 [RICK] THEY PUT YOU UP WITH A HOTEL ROOM 599 00:26:35,327 --> 00:26:37,662 THAT'S GOT NOTHIN' BUT BLOOD STAINS 600 00:26:37,696 --> 00:26:39,998 WITH CHALK AROUND THEM ALL OVER THE CARPET. 601 00:26:40,031 --> 00:26:42,167 THEN THE GUYS, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT THIS ROOM. 602 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,169 ANYWAY." CLICK. YOU KNOW. 603 00:26:44,202 --> 00:26:46,004 SO YOU'RE THERE JUST AWAKE ALL NIGHT. 604 00:26:48,173 --> 00:26:50,141 [KIRA] AND YOU HATE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOUR DINNER 605 00:26:50,175 --> 00:26:52,243 IS OUT OF A VENDING MACHINE. 606 00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:54,112 BECAUSE IT'S EITHER THAT 607 00:26:54,145 --> 00:26:56,715 OR SOME SCARY 608 00:26:56,748 --> 00:26:58,149 FAST FOOD DRIVE-THRU PLACE. 609 00:27:00,485 --> 00:27:02,153 YOU'RE LIKE, YOU'RE GONNA EAT AT A TGI FRIDAY'S 610 00:27:02,187 --> 00:27:03,321 EVERY DAY. 611 00:27:03,355 --> 00:27:04,923 YOU'RE GONNA GET TO KNOW THE STAFF. 612 00:27:04,956 --> 00:27:07,025 LIKE, YOU'RE GONNA BE AT THAT PLACE SO MUCH. 613 00:27:07,058 --> 00:27:09,361 IF YOU EAT WELL ON THE ROAD, 614 00:27:09,394 --> 00:27:11,863 YOU JUST LOST MONEY ON THE FLIGHT. 615 00:27:11,896 --> 00:27:15,000 LIKE YOU'RE GONNA, YOU'RE GONNA COME HOME 100 BUCKS IN THE HOLE 616 00:27:15,033 --> 00:27:16,701 'CAUSE YOU DECIDED TO HAVE FISH. 617 00:27:16,735 --> 00:27:19,371 [MIXED CHATTER] 618 00:27:19,404 --> 00:27:23,174 YOU'RE TAKING A PERSON THAT SUFFERS FROM DEPRESSION 619 00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:25,043 THEY'RE LIKE, "HEY, GO GET A ROOM 620 00:27:25,076 --> 00:27:27,078 IN A CITY WHERE YOU LEGIT DON'T KNOW ANYBODY." 621 00:27:27,112 --> 00:27:28,413 AND YOU'RE LIKE, 622 00:27:28,446 --> 00:27:32,183 "HEY, HANGOUT BY YOURSELF FOR FOUR DAYS." 623 00:27:32,217 --> 00:27:34,953 THE AMOUNT OF LONELINESS CAN BE INSANE. 624 00:27:41,226 --> 00:27:43,194 [JASON MANFORD] SOMETIMES THE AUDIENCE ARE THE FIRST PEOPLE 625 00:27:43,228 --> 00:27:45,730 YOU'VE SPOKE TO, IN A DAY. 626 00:27:45,764 --> 00:27:48,400 IT'S 8:00 AT NIGHT AND THEY'RE THE FIRST, 627 00:27:48,433 --> 00:27:52,137 THAT'S THE FIRST HUMAN INTERACTION YOU'VE HAD, ALL DAY. 628 00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:54,305 [REPORTER] IF YOU DON'T ENJOY THE RELATIVE WARMTH 629 00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:55,473 THAT YOU'RE GONNA SEE TODAY... 630 00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,976 [COCOA] IT'S LONELY. 631 00:27:58,009 --> 00:28:00,011 YOU KNOW, I CAN BE ONSTAGE IN FRONT OF 5,000 PEOPLE 632 00:28:00,045 --> 00:28:04,516 GET A STANDING OVATION AND GO TO MY HOTEL ROOM TO COMPLETE SILENCE. 633 00:28:04,549 --> 00:28:06,084 AND I'M LOOKING AT THE MONEY ON THE BED 634 00:28:06,117 --> 00:28:07,919 AND THE ROOM SERVICE I JUST ORDERED, 635 00:28:07,952 --> 00:28:09,354 BUT I HAVE NO ONE TO CALL. 636 00:28:09,387 --> 00:28:11,056 [ELECTRICAL BUZZING] 637 00:28:11,089 --> 00:28:13,324 [ALARM CLOCK SOUNDING] 638 00:28:17,395 --> 00:28:19,431 [THEO VON] I MEAN, YEAH, YOU HAVE JUST WEIRD TOWNS OUT THERE 639 00:28:19,464 --> 00:28:21,132 WHERE YOU HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH SOME DUDE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. 640 00:28:21,166 --> 00:28:23,935 AND A LOT OF TIMES IT'S LIKE AN ADULT MAN. 641 00:28:23,968 --> 00:28:25,804 AND THAT'S SCARY, SOME DUDE WHO'S IN HIS 40'S 642 00:28:25,837 --> 00:28:28,173 WHO STILL DOESN'T KNOW IF HE'S BISEXUAL OR NOT. 643 00:28:28,206 --> 00:28:30,008 AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE LAYING THERE IN A BED 644 00:28:30,041 --> 00:28:32,343 NEXT TO HIM JUST FACING THE OTHER WAY JUST LIKE, 645 00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:36,047 "OH, SHIT. HOW DOES THIS END?" YOU KNOW? 646 00:28:36,081 --> 00:28:37,382 I MEAN, THAT KINDA STUFF CAN GET 647 00:28:37,415 --> 00:28:39,084 A LITTLE BIT SPOOKY, YOU KNOW? 648 00:28:39,117 --> 00:28:40,952 'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP YOU ARE 649 00:28:40,985 --> 00:28:44,456 AND YOU KNOW THAT HE'S 20 YEARS FURTHER IN FUCKED UP. 650 00:28:44,489 --> 00:28:46,458 YOU'RE LIKE, DANG, SON. 651 00:28:46,491 --> 00:28:48,993 THIS IS HOW THE CHAIN KEEPS GOIN'. 652 00:28:49,027 --> 00:28:50,962 THIS IS HOW THE TORCH GETS PASSED, YOU KNOW? 653 00:28:58,870 --> 00:29:01,039 [FRANKIE] AND YOU GET A LOT OF SLEEPS IN PLACES 654 00:29:01,072 --> 00:29:02,307 THAT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT 655 00:29:02,340 --> 00:29:04,008 IT WOULD BE TECHNICALLY POSSIBLE TO SLEEP. 656 00:29:04,042 --> 00:29:08,379 SO LIKE ON A LEATHERETTE TWO-SEATER COUCH. 657 00:29:10,381 --> 00:29:12,016 YOU MIGHT GET A GOOD COUPLE OF HOURS SLEEP 658 00:29:12,050 --> 00:29:13,518 AND THAT'S A BAD SIGN 659 00:29:13,551 --> 00:29:16,521 WHEN YOU'RE PEELING YOUR FACE OFF A VINYL SURFACE 660 00:29:16,554 --> 00:29:18,389 TEN MINUTES BEFORE YOU TALK TO 661 00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:20,058 A THOUSAND PEOPLE. 662 00:29:20,091 --> 00:29:23,061 [SARAH] THE ROAD IS REALLY LONELY, 663 00:29:23,094 --> 00:29:27,065 AND, UH, IT ONLY FEELS GOOD WHEN YOU'RE ONSTAGE, 664 00:29:27,098 --> 00:29:29,400 AND IT DOESN'T ALWAYS. 665 00:29:29,434 --> 00:29:31,402 AND, UM, AND YOU MAKE FRIENDS 666 00:29:31,436 --> 00:29:34,005 JUST THAT YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN. 667 00:29:34,038 --> 00:29:36,341 BUT JUST FOR THE NIGHT, THE CREW THAT'S THERE. 668 00:29:36,374 --> 00:29:37,876 WHOEVER'S WORKING THERE, 669 00:29:37,909 --> 00:29:39,377 THE WAITERS, WAITRESSES AND STUFF. 670 00:29:39,410 --> 00:29:40,879 AND... 671 00:29:40,912 --> 00:29:43,081 AND THEN YOU'RE ON A PLANE OR A CAR 672 00:29:43,114 --> 00:29:44,349 OR A TRAIN THE NEXT DAY. 673 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,196 [GILBERT GOTTFRIED] THERE ARE PLACES 674 00:29:58,229 --> 00:30:00,198 CLUBS AND ENTIRE CITIES 675 00:30:00,231 --> 00:30:03,401 I SWEAR I'VE NEVER BEEN TO 676 00:30:03,434 --> 00:30:05,937 AND THEN I GET TO THE CLUB 677 00:30:05,970 --> 00:30:09,274 AND I SEE I'VE SIGNED THEIR WALL. 678 00:30:09,307 --> 00:30:12,177 AND THAT'S THE WAY I KNOW I'VE BEEN THERE. 679 00:30:18,383 --> 00:30:20,351 [JEFF JOSEPH] THIS THOUGHT COMES TO YOU 680 00:30:20,385 --> 00:30:24,189 WHICH IS, I'M INSANE. 681 00:30:24,222 --> 00:30:26,291 I'M GOING TO A PLACE I'VE NEVER BEEN, 682 00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:28,993 TO A TOWN I'VE NEVER BEEN, 683 00:30:29,027 --> 00:30:31,663 AND I THINK I CAN MAKE THESE PEOPLE LAUGH. 684 00:30:31,696 --> 00:30:34,132 I THINK THAT WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. 685 00:30:36,301 --> 00:30:37,302 IT SEEMS CRAZY. 686 00:30:39,404 --> 00:30:42,373 THE HARDEST PART ABOUT THE ROAD 687 00:30:42,407 --> 00:30:46,077 IS JUST FEELING DISORIENTED. 688 00:30:48,479 --> 00:30:51,316 AND IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL, 689 00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:53,484 THAT SLIGHT FEELING OF WHERE AM I? 690 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:56,020 WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT AM I CONNECTED TO? 691 00:30:56,054 --> 00:30:58,289 THAT SLIGHT FEELING, 692 00:30:58,323 --> 00:31:00,558 CAN GET A LOT WORSE. 693 00:31:10,268 --> 00:31:12,937 [RICK] YOU'LL HAVE SOME GLAMOUR GIGS, 694 00:31:12,971 --> 00:31:15,173 SOME VEGASY GIGS. 695 00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:17,242 THEN YOU'LL HAVE JUST SOME BRUTAL ROAD STUFF 696 00:31:17,275 --> 00:31:19,644 WHERE THEY DIDN'T ADVERTISE RIGHT 697 00:31:19,677 --> 00:31:22,647 AND THE OWNER'S LIKE, "OH, MAN, SORRY ABOUT THE SMALL CROWDS, 698 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,950 BUT THE GUN SHOW IS KILLIN' US THIS WEEK." 699 00:31:27,752 --> 00:31:29,487 [KIRA] THEN YOU GOTTA GET UP ONSTAGE, 700 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,723 AND IT'S IN A BAR 701 00:31:31,756 --> 00:31:34,192 WHERE THEY TURN OFF THE TV 702 00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:38,062 AS IT'S THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH OF THE WORLD SERIES. 703 00:31:38,096 --> 00:31:41,065 AND THEY SAY, "ARE YOU READY FOR STAND UP?" 704 00:31:41,099 --> 00:31:44,736 AND EVERYONE SCREAMS, "BOO! 705 00:31:44,769 --> 00:31:47,105 TURN THE TV'S BACK ON! 706 00:31:47,138 --> 00:31:50,608 IT'S THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH OF THE WORLD SERIES." 707 00:31:50,642 --> 00:31:53,611 "ARE YOU READY FOR A CHICK THAT'S OVULATING 708 00:31:53,645 --> 00:31:55,747 AND SHE'S MOODY AND CRANKY?" 709 00:31:55,780 --> 00:31:57,448 AND THEN YOU'RE FINALLY DONE 710 00:31:57,482 --> 00:31:59,150 AND THEY HAND YOU A CHEQUE AND YOU GO, 711 00:31:59,183 --> 00:32:00,485 [INHALES DEEPLY] "ALL RIGHT, 712 00:32:00,518 --> 00:32:02,620 I'LL DO IT AGAIN TOMORROW." 713 00:32:06,658 --> 00:32:08,993 [KEENEN] YOU ALWAYS WANT TO BE IN AN ENVIRONMENT 714 00:32:09,027 --> 00:32:11,496 WHERE PEOPLE ARE COMING TO SEE YOU. 715 00:32:11,529 --> 00:32:15,633 THERE USED TO BE A STRIP CLUB IN ALASKA CALLED PJ'S. 716 00:32:15,667 --> 00:32:19,504 THIS IS WHEN THEY WERE BUILDING THE ALASKAN PIPELINE. 717 00:32:19,537 --> 00:32:22,040 NOW YOUR AUDIENCE WERE A BUNCH OF, 718 00:32:22,073 --> 00:32:23,775 A GROUP OF MEN. 719 00:32:23,808 --> 00:32:25,777 FIRST OF ALL, IN ALASKA, 720 00:32:25,810 --> 00:32:29,213 YOU CAN CARRY A GUN, LIKE ON YOUR HIP. 721 00:32:29,247 --> 00:32:31,549 IN ADDITION TO THAT, 722 00:32:31,582 --> 00:32:34,419 THEY HAVE BEEN IN THE ALASKAN WILDERNESS 723 00:32:34,452 --> 00:32:36,421 WORKING FOR SIX MONTHS. 724 00:32:36,454 --> 00:32:39,390 THEY HAVE NOT SEEN WOMEN AT ALL. 725 00:32:39,424 --> 00:32:40,792 THEY COME TO THIS PLACE, 726 00:32:40,825 --> 00:32:42,660 THEY'VE GOT MONEY LIKE THIS 727 00:32:42,694 --> 00:32:44,696 AND A BAG OF COKE, 728 00:32:44,729 --> 00:32:46,230 TWO GUNS ON THEIR HIPS. 729 00:32:46,264 --> 00:32:47,732 THAT'S WHO YOU'RE PLAYING TO. 730 00:32:47,765 --> 00:32:50,268 AND THEN THEY ANNOUNCE YOU 731 00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:53,604 INSTEAD OF SPRINKLES. 732 00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:57,308 YOU TALK ABOUT HOSTILE. 733 00:32:57,342 --> 00:32:59,444 THAT WAS A HOSTILE AUDIENCE. 734 00:32:59,477 --> 00:33:03,481 THE SECOND YOU WALK ONSTAGE, THEY ARE JUDGING YOU. 735 00:33:03,514 --> 00:33:04,816 THEY ARE JUDGING YOU. 736 00:33:04,849 --> 00:33:07,685 AND IF THEY FIND SOMETHING THEY DON'T LIKE, 737 00:33:07,719 --> 00:33:10,555 SAY YOU HAVE ON MITCH-MAX SOCKS 738 00:33:10,588 --> 00:33:13,424 THAT COULD BE THE DEATH OF YOUR STAND UP NIGHT. 739 00:33:13,458 --> 00:33:16,294 "LOOK AT YOU WITH YOUR LITTLE MITCH-MAX SOCKS." 740 00:33:16,327 --> 00:33:19,163 LIKE YOU GET, PEOPLE HAVE NO FILTER. 741 00:33:19,197 --> 00:33:20,531 IT'S NOT LIKE, YOU KNOW, 742 00:33:20,565 --> 00:33:22,233 WHEN YOU GO TO THE OPERA OR WHATEVER 743 00:33:22,266 --> 00:33:24,102 AND I DON'T GO TO THE OPERA OFTEN, 744 00:33:24,135 --> 00:33:25,770 BUT I, I SUSPECT 745 00:33:25,803 --> 00:33:29,107 THERE'S NOT A LOT OF HECKLING AT THE OPERA. 746 00:33:29,140 --> 00:33:31,442 "YOU CALL THAT FALSETTO, MOTHERFUCKER? 747 00:33:31,476 --> 00:33:33,144 THAT AIN'T FALSETTO. 748 00:33:33,177 --> 00:33:34,512 THAT'S WHACK!" 749 00:33:34,545 --> 00:33:37,849 THERE'S NO OTHER FORM OF PUBLIC SPEAKING 750 00:33:37,882 --> 00:33:39,517 THAT HAS HECKLERS. 751 00:33:39,550 --> 00:33:42,220 YOU'D NEVER SEE ANYBODY HECKLING TED TALKS, DO YOU? 752 00:33:42,253 --> 00:33:43,721 YOU'VE NEVER WATCHED A TED TALK AND BE LIKE, 753 00:33:43,755 --> 00:33:46,257 "WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I DEVISED A WAY 754 00:33:46,290 --> 00:33:48,259 TO FEED EVERY CHILD ON THIS..." 755 00:33:48,292 --> 00:33:50,261 "FUCK YOU, DORK!" "WHO SAID THAT?" 756 00:33:50,294 --> 00:33:51,729 [CREW LAUGHING] 757 00:33:51,763 --> 00:33:56,267 FRIDAY, SECOND SHOW IS ALWAYS A SLAP DOWN SHOW. 758 00:33:56,300 --> 00:33:59,270 BECAUSE FIRST SHOW THEY'RE NOT DRUNK ENOUGH 759 00:33:59,303 --> 00:34:02,340 TO BE MEAN ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY HATED THEIR WORK WEEK, 760 00:34:02,373 --> 00:34:05,576 BUT BY SECOND SHOW, FUCK WHOEVER IS ONSTAGE. 761 00:34:05,610 --> 00:34:07,445 YOU'RE IN FOR A BEATIN', MAN. 762 00:34:07,478 --> 00:34:09,781 THEY, AND THEY HATE YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE WELL LIT, 763 00:34:09,814 --> 00:34:11,783 YOU'RE SLIGHTLY ELEVATED FROM 'EM, 764 00:34:11,816 --> 00:34:15,319 AND THEIR SUBCONSCIOUS JUST SWITCHES YOU WITH THE BOSS. 765 00:34:15,353 --> 00:34:17,488 AND NOW THEY'RE SHOUTIN' AT THE FUCKIN' BOSS, 766 00:34:17,522 --> 00:34:19,791 AND YOU'RE BABYSITTING, YOU KNOW? 767 00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:22,326 I CAN NEVER HEAR WHAT A HECKLER'S SAYING. 768 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,196 I, I, I, I JUST RESPOND WILDLY TO 'EM. 769 00:34:25,229 --> 00:34:26,864 AND THEY MIGHT BE SAYING, "OH, BILLY, I LOVE YOU." 770 00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:30,334 AND I SAY, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" 771 00:34:30,368 --> 00:34:32,670 I DON'T REALLY LIKE THEM AS A SPECIES. 772 00:34:32,703 --> 00:34:34,772 YOU KNOW, BECAUSE IT'S LIKE... 773 00:34:36,808 --> 00:34:39,143 ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT WARMING THE AUDIENCE UP 774 00:34:39,177 --> 00:34:41,312 AND ALL THAT STUFF THAT PEOPLE TALK ABOUT, 775 00:34:41,345 --> 00:34:42,847 AND IF YOU DO IT KIND OF UNCONSCIOUSLY, 776 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:44,382 YOU START A CERTAIN WAY, YOU BUILD IT UP. 777 00:34:44,415 --> 00:34:45,850 BUT WHAT YOU DO IS YOU, YOU, 778 00:34:45,883 --> 00:34:48,719 THERE'S 3,000 PEOPLE IN THE ROOM OR MAYBE 400 OR 200, 779 00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:51,255 WHATEVER NUMBER THERE IS, 780 00:34:51,289 --> 00:34:53,424 YOU GET IT TO ONE. 781 00:34:53,458 --> 00:34:56,727 YOU GET THEM ALL INTO ONE BIG FOREHEAD. 782 00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:59,597 AND, AND SO I JUST SPEAK TO THE FOREHEADS, 783 00:34:59,630 --> 00:35:01,866 AND IT'S ONE BIG FOREHEAD IN THE ROOM. 784 00:35:01,899 --> 00:35:06,270 BUT WHEN THEN, WHEN THE, THE, HECKLER, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 785 00:35:06,304 --> 00:35:08,940 VAROOM-VAROOM! BECOMES 3,000 AGAIN. 786 00:35:08,973 --> 00:35:11,776 AND I HAVE TO GO, GATHER, GATHER, GATHER GATHER, GATHER, 787 00:35:11,809 --> 00:35:13,644 GET THEM ALL IN LIKE A SHEPHERD. 788 00:35:13,678 --> 00:35:15,279 AND THEN, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. AND THEY ALL GO, 789 00:35:15,313 --> 00:35:16,447 BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 790 00:35:16,481 --> 00:35:17,849 AND, [DEFLATING NOISE] 791 00:35:17,882 --> 00:35:20,551 AND I END UP DOING THE TUNNEL CLUB IN MAN, IN EH, LONDON, 792 00:35:20,585 --> 00:35:22,253 WHICH, OF COURSE, WAS NOTORIOUS. 793 00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:24,422 NOW LONG, UH, SINCE DEFUNCT. 794 00:35:24,455 --> 00:35:25,756 BUT THAT WAS LIKE A BAPTISM OF FIRE, 795 00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:27,658 THAT WAS A RITE OF PASSAGE. YOU HAD TO DO THE TUNNEL CLUB. 796 00:35:27,692 --> 00:35:29,527 AND I, I DID IT, UM, 797 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:32,396 AND THEY LITERALLY, UH, THREW CHAIRS AT YOU. 798 00:35:32,430 --> 00:35:35,266 AND, UM, UH, YEAH, CHAIRS. 799 00:35:35,299 --> 00:35:37,435 I THINK CHAIRS WAS LIKE, UH, 800 00:35:37,468 --> 00:35:39,971 MEANT THEY QUITE LIKED YOU, 'CAUSE THEY WEREN'T GLASSES. 801 00:35:40,004 --> 00:35:42,507 CHAIR, 'CAUSE YOU, YOU COULD DODGE A CHAIR 802 00:35:42,540 --> 00:35:44,675 AND, THAT WAS ACTUALLY, "OH, THEY'RE, 803 00:35:44,709 --> 00:35:46,377 THEY'RE ONLY THROWING CHAIRS. 804 00:35:46,410 --> 00:35:48,913 I MIGHT, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO, YOU KNOW, WIN THEM OVER." 805 00:35:48,946 --> 00:35:51,449 THERE'S A MAN ABOUT 65 YEARS OF AGE 806 00:35:51,482 --> 00:35:53,451 WEARING A SUIT AND A TIE, GREY HAIR. 807 00:35:53,484 --> 00:35:54,952 I THOUGHT, NOT MY TYPICAL AUDIENCE. 808 00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,821 HE'S GOT HIS HAND UP LIKE THIS, AND I WENT, 809 00:35:56,854 --> 00:36:00,525 "YES, SIR?" HE WENT, "'SCUSE ME, JESTER." 810 00:36:00,558 --> 00:36:02,460 I'M LIKE, "JESTER?" WELL, OKAY. 811 00:36:02,493 --> 00:36:04,228 IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THAT, IS IT? I SAID, "YES." 812 00:36:04,262 --> 00:36:06,564 HE WENT, "I'VE GOT A QUESTION FOR YA." 813 00:36:06,597 --> 00:36:08,366 AND I WAS LIKE, OKAY, IT'S NEAR THE END OF THE SHOW. 814 00:36:08,399 --> 00:36:09,767 "WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION, SIR?" 815 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,869 AND WITHOUT SKIPPING A BEAT, HE JUST WENT, 816 00:36:11,903 --> 00:36:14,272 "IS THERE ANY TRUTH IN THE RUMOUR 817 00:36:14,305 --> 00:36:17,441 THAT BLACK MEN DON'T GO DOWN ON THEIR WOMEN?" 818 00:36:17,475 --> 00:36:19,944 [CREW LAUGHING] 819 00:36:19,977 --> 00:36:22,647 THE WHOLE AUDIENCE... 820 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,316 AND I WAS LIKE, I WAS LIKE, 821 00:36:25,349 --> 00:36:27,318 "HOLD ON, I'LL CALL THE OTHERS." 822 00:36:27,351 --> 00:36:29,520 I'M... I WAS LIKE... 823 00:36:29,554 --> 00:36:32,957 "WINSTON, IS LEROY THERE?" 824 00:36:32,990 --> 00:36:34,458 AND I GO, UH, 825 00:36:34,492 --> 00:36:36,661 "ANYBODY HERE, UH, CELEBRATE HANUKKAH?" 826 00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:38,362 AND A GUY IN THE BACK YELLS OUT, 827 00:36:38,396 --> 00:36:41,032 "HEY! YOU'RE A JEW?" 828 00:36:41,065 --> 00:36:43,568 AND I GO, "YEA, YEAH." 829 00:36:43,601 --> 00:36:45,903 AND HE GOES, "WHAT ROOM ARE YOU STAYIN' IN?" 830 00:36:45,937 --> 00:36:47,438 [CREW LAUGHING] 831 00:36:47,471 --> 00:36:50,441 AND, AND, I GO, UH, "EXCUSE ME." 832 00:36:50,474 --> 00:36:52,610 AND HE GOES, "I SAID, 833 00:36:52,643 --> 00:36:54,946 WHAT ROOM ARE YOU STAYIN' IN, JEW?'" 834 00:36:54,979 --> 00:36:58,583 I GO, "A DIFFERENT ONE." 835 00:36:58,616 --> 00:37:00,284 ALL RIGHT. 836 00:37:00,318 --> 00:37:04,288 I DID A ROOM IN NEW YORK, FOUR YEARS AGO 837 00:37:04,322 --> 00:37:08,793 IN A BASEMENT, INCREDIBLY, UH, DARK, 838 00:37:08,826 --> 00:37:10,795 NOT A LOT OF LIGHTING, 839 00:37:10,828 --> 00:37:13,898 AND ALL BLACK PEOPLE. 840 00:37:13,931 --> 00:37:18,436 AND I HADN'T EVEN BARELY SAID ANYTHING. 841 00:37:18,469 --> 00:37:20,304 AND A KID IN THE AUDIENCE GOES, 842 00:37:20,338 --> 00:37:22,807 "YO, ARE YOU SCARED?" 843 00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,609 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE. 844 00:37:24,642 --> 00:37:26,010 I WAS SCARED. 845 00:37:26,043 --> 00:37:29,380 AND A GUY IN THE FRONT ROW GETS A PHONE CALL. 846 00:37:29,413 --> 00:37:30,715 ANSWERS HIS PHONE CALL, 847 00:37:30,748 --> 00:37:32,783 EVERYONE CAN HEAR IT RING, BY THE WAY. 848 00:37:32,817 --> 00:37:36,320 AND ANSWERS IT LIKE HE'S IN A HELICOPTER. 849 00:37:36,354 --> 00:37:39,457 "YEAH! YEAH, I'M JUST HERE! 850 00:37:39,490 --> 00:37:43,628 IT'S, UH, YANKEE DOODLES, IT'S A BAR! 851 00:37:43,661 --> 00:37:45,663 YEAH, THERE'S A CHICK ONSTAGE! 852 00:37:45,696 --> 00:37:47,999 OH, MY GOD! IT'S PAINFUL!" 853 00:37:48,032 --> 00:37:49,934 -AND I'M... -[CREW LAUGHING] 854 00:37:51,836 --> 00:37:53,337 I MEAN, MY MICROPHONE 855 00:37:53,371 --> 00:37:55,673 IS PICKING UP HIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION, 856 00:37:55,706 --> 00:37:58,542 HE'S SO CLOSE TO THE STAGE. 857 00:37:58,576 --> 00:38:00,878 AND I IMMEDIATELY LEAN INTO THIS GUY, 858 00:38:00,911 --> 00:38:02,446 I JUST GO FOR HIM, 859 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,516 AND HE GIVES ME THE FINGER, HE FLIPS ME OFF, 860 00:38:05,549 --> 00:38:07,385 AND FOR SOME REASON, THAT WAS IT. 861 00:38:07,418 --> 00:38:09,353 I DON'T KNOW WHY. 862 00:38:09,387 --> 00:38:11,055 I DON'T KNOW WHY, THE FINGER. 863 00:38:11,088 --> 00:38:13,491 I FUCKIN' LOST IT. 864 00:38:13,524 --> 00:38:15,826 THERE WAS A GUY PUNCHED ME ONSTAGE. 865 00:38:15,860 --> 00:38:18,696 YEAH, IN, IN BRISBANE. 866 00:38:18,729 --> 00:38:21,499 HE SAID, I'LL NEVER FORGET HIM, HE SAID, 867 00:38:21,532 --> 00:38:24,835 "MY WIFE'S EARS ARE NOT GARBAGE CANS." 868 00:38:24,869 --> 00:38:27,838 I HAD TOLD SOME RISQUÉ STORY, 869 00:38:27,872 --> 00:38:30,541 AND HE CAME ON, AND HE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT 870 00:38:30,574 --> 00:38:33,544 MY CHIN CAME TO THE END OF MY BEARD, 871 00:38:33,577 --> 00:38:34,879 'CAUSE I HAD A BIG LONG BEARD, 872 00:38:34,912 --> 00:38:37,415 AND HE WENT LIKE THAT TO MY BEARD. 873 00:38:37,448 --> 00:38:39,583 AND I SAID, "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO?" 874 00:38:39,617 --> 00:38:42,453 AND HE SAID, "NO." AND NUTTED ME, BOOM! 875 00:38:42,486 --> 00:38:44,055 AND I WENT ON MY ARSE. 876 00:38:44,088 --> 00:38:46,757 AND I WAS IN, UM, YOU KNOW, 877 00:38:46,791 --> 00:38:48,926 LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS, AND A DUDE CALLED ME 878 00:38:48,959 --> 00:38:50,628 THE 'N' WORD, LIKE, FROM THE STAGE, 879 00:38:50,661 --> 00:38:52,630 FROM THE BACK OF THE STAGE, ROWDY. 880 00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:56,500 YOU KNOW, HE WAS DRUNK AND BELLIGERENT. 881 00:38:56,534 --> 00:38:59,170 BUT IT WAS THE KIND OF THING THAT IT, YOU KNOW, 882 00:38:59,203 --> 00:39:02,473 IT, IT, IT MADE ME SO MAD 883 00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:04,408 THAT I WAS OFF MY SHOW. 884 00:39:04,442 --> 00:39:06,677 LIKE, I COULD NOT GET BACK TO FUNNY. 885 00:39:06,711 --> 00:39:09,547 LIKE THE CLUB OWNER GO, "HEY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? 886 00:39:09,580 --> 00:39:12,049 YOU KNOW, JESUS. I MEAN, COME ON. 887 00:39:12,083 --> 00:39:14,852 DO A JOKE BACK AT HIM. CALL HIM SOMETHIN' BUT DON'T... 888 00:39:14,885 --> 00:39:16,554 CAN'T STOP THE SHOW. 889 00:39:16,587 --> 00:39:19,423 HELL, AREN'T YOU A NIGGER? 890 00:39:19,457 --> 00:39:21,425 JESUS." 891 00:39:21,459 --> 00:39:23,761 LIKE, WHOA. WHOA. 892 00:39:23,794 --> 00:39:25,096 "YOU KNOW WHAT? 893 00:39:25,129 --> 00:39:26,997 I'M JUST GONNA WRAP MY STUFF UP 894 00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:28,532 AND GET ON OUTTA HERE, GUYS. 895 00:39:28,566 --> 00:39:29,800 YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS IS NOT GOIN' WELL. 896 00:39:29,834 --> 00:39:31,802 I THOUGHT I HAD AN ALLY." 897 00:39:31,836 --> 00:39:36,507 AS MUCH AS I WANTED TO BE THE VICTIM IN THE SITUATION, 898 00:39:36,540 --> 00:39:38,676 IN THE WORLD OF COMEDY, 899 00:39:38,709 --> 00:39:41,011 IT WAS BASICALLY SAYING THAT WAS UNACCEPTABLE. 900 00:39:41,045 --> 00:39:42,880 LIKE, YOU COULD NOT COWER OUT 901 00:39:42,913 --> 00:39:44,215 EVEN TO THIS GUYS IGNORANCE 902 00:39:44,248 --> 00:39:46,817 AND HIS RUDE RACIAL BEHAVIOR. 903 00:39:46,851 --> 00:39:49,520 YOU'RE LIKE, YOU HAVE TO DECIDE TO DO SOMETHING 904 00:39:49,553 --> 00:39:52,022 THAT'S GONNA BE THE COMEDIAN IN THE SITUATION. 905 00:39:52,456 --> 00:39:53,991 SEE, WHEN YOU HECKLE ME, 906 00:39:53,999 --> 00:39:55,568 YOU'RE TRYING TO HURT MY FEELINGS. 907 00:39:55,626 --> 00:39:58,462 JUST KNOW, I'M DEAD ON THE INSIDE. 908 00:39:58,496 --> 00:40:00,464 I'M, THIS IS BURNT WOOD, MAN. 909 00:40:00,498 --> 00:40:03,801 I'VE BEEN DOING COMEDY FOR 16 YEARS. 910 00:40:03,834 --> 00:40:06,971 MY SOUL HAS BEEN GANGBANGED BY CLOWNS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 911 00:40:07,004 --> 00:40:09,507 LIKE, IT IS DEAD, AND IT IS GONE. 912 00:40:09,540 --> 00:40:12,042 THERE'S NOTHING LEFT IN HERE FOR YOU TO HURT. 913 00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:13,210 IT'S OVER. 914 00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:15,212 AS SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T LOOK, 915 00:40:15,246 --> 00:40:17,214 UM, LIKE, YOU KNOW, 916 00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:19,817 A KIND OF GORGEOUS MODEL-TYPE, 917 00:40:19,850 --> 00:40:22,686 UM, YOU GET USED, UH, IN THE STREETS, 918 00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:24,922 TO WALKING ALONG AND GETTIN' ABUSE OFF PEOPLE 919 00:40:24,955 --> 00:40:27,158 OUT OF CARS AND OUT OF VANS, YOU KNOW. 920 00:40:27,191 --> 00:40:28,692 AND THE THING ABOUT COMEDY 921 00:40:28,726 --> 00:40:30,694 WAS THEY'RE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU. 922 00:40:30,728 --> 00:40:33,564 AND SO I'D SORT OF BEEN STORING IT UP 923 00:40:33,597 --> 00:40:35,232 FOR QUITE A LONG TIME, I THINK, 924 00:40:35,266 --> 00:40:38,769 WANTING TO HAVE A GO BACK AT THEM. 925 00:40:38,803 --> 00:40:44,108 AND, UM, I, I, I FOUND IT, LIKE, REALLY, ENJOYABLE. 926 00:40:44,141 --> 00:40:46,644 I DON'T LIKE HECKLERS, 927 00:40:46,677 --> 00:40:49,146 BUT I'M FASCINATED BY THEM. 928 00:40:49,180 --> 00:40:53,517 AND, YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE, LIKE, BITS FOR HECKLERS, 929 00:40:53,551 --> 00:40:55,853 BUT I JUST LOVE GOING IN AND TALKING TO, 930 00:40:55,886 --> 00:40:59,557 GIVING THEM THE ATTENTION THAT THEY NEED SO BADLY. 931 00:40:59,590 --> 00:41:01,725 AND TALKING ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW, 932 00:41:01,759 --> 00:41:03,227 AND WHERE THAT COMES FROM, 933 00:41:03,260 --> 00:41:05,663 AND HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 934 00:41:05,696 --> 00:41:08,165 YOU KNOW, HOW CAN I MAKE YOU 935 00:41:08,199 --> 00:41:10,701 FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF? 936 00:41:10,734 --> 00:41:12,703 ANOTHER, THING, WAY OF CONTROLLING A ROOM, 937 00:41:12,736 --> 00:41:14,572 WHICH, AGAIN, CAN LEAD TO FANTASTIC DEATHS, 938 00:41:14,605 --> 00:41:16,240 BUT REALLY ENJOYABLE ONES, 939 00:41:16,273 --> 00:41:18,776 IS TO TREAT ABUSIVE HECKLES 940 00:41:18,809 --> 00:41:21,111 AS IF THEY WERE GENUINE ENQUIRIES. 941 00:41:21,145 --> 00:41:23,714 FROM THE SIMPLE ONE, LIKE, "WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF?" 942 00:41:23,747 --> 00:41:25,282 TO ANSWER THAT IN TERMS 943 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:27,985 OF YOU'RE CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGED TO STAY THERE. 944 00:41:28,018 --> 00:41:30,321 YOU HAVE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES 945 00:41:30,354 --> 00:41:32,289 OVER AND ABOVE, ONGOING 946 00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:34,291 WITH MORTGAGE, FAMILY, 947 00:41:34,325 --> 00:41:36,994 AND THAT THERE, THAT THERE IS A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME 948 00:41:37,027 --> 00:41:38,996 THAT YOU'RE REQUIRED TO FULFILL. 949 00:41:39,029 --> 00:41:41,999 UM, TO TREAT THINGS AS, AS, GENUINE ENQUIRIES. 950 00:41:42,032 --> 00:41:43,701 AND, UM, AND THAT, THAT, 951 00:41:43,734 --> 00:41:47,037 AND ACTUALLY TO ANSWER THEM AT SUCH LENGTH 952 00:41:47,071 --> 00:41:50,608 THAT THE PEOPLE REGRET HAVING ASKED THE QUESTION IN THE FIRST PLACE. 953 00:41:50,641 --> 00:41:53,777 USUALLY IT'D BE LIKE MAYBE THREE BACK-AND-FORTH'S, 954 00:41:53,811 --> 00:41:56,280 AND THEN I COULD SHUT IT DOWN, THEY USUALLY SHUT UP. 955 00:41:56,313 --> 00:41:58,115 BUT IF THEY DON'T SHUT UP, 956 00:41:58,148 --> 00:41:59,817 AND THEY'RE LIKE PROBABLY REALLY DRUNK OR WHATEVER, 957 00:41:59,850 --> 00:42:01,151 THEN I INVITE THEM TO THE STAGE. 958 00:42:01,185 --> 00:42:02,286 "SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME UP HERE? 959 00:42:02,319 --> 00:42:03,854 WHY DON'T YOU COME ON UP HERE?" 960 00:42:03,888 --> 00:42:05,689 ONLY ONE TIME HAVE I HAD A HECKLER 961 00:42:05,723 --> 00:42:07,691 ACTUALLY COME UP TO THE STAGE AND I HAND THE MIC, 962 00:42:07,725 --> 00:42:09,860 I SAID, "TELL A JOKE NOW. TELL A JOKE." 963 00:42:09,894 --> 00:42:12,363 AND THEN I RAN DOWN INTO THE AUDIENCE AND SAT DOWN, 964 00:42:12,396 --> 00:42:14,064 AND THEY STARTED TELLING THEIR JOKE, 965 00:42:14,098 --> 00:42:17,067 AND I STARTED HECKLING THEM ALL THROUGH THEIR JOKE. 966 00:42:17,101 --> 00:42:20,070 I WAS LIKE, "HEARD THAT! THAT'S STUPID! 967 00:42:20,104 --> 00:42:21,772 YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT WORD RIGHT." 968 00:42:21,805 --> 00:42:23,707 LIKE I HECKLE THEM AFTER THEIR JOKE. 969 00:42:23,741 --> 00:42:25,376 AND THEN I CAME IN, THE AUDIENCE IS BUSTING UP LAUGHING. 970 00:42:25,409 --> 00:42:26,977 AND THEN I COME BACK TO THE STAGE. 971 00:42:27,011 --> 00:42:28,979 "SO HOW DOES IT FEEL? HOW DID IT FEEL? 972 00:42:29,013 --> 00:42:30,314 DO YOU FEEL REALLY FUNNY NOW? 973 00:42:30,347 --> 00:42:33,017 DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING?" 974 00:42:33,050 --> 00:42:34,351 THEY'RE LIKE, "HEY, THAT WAS MESSED UP. 975 00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,053 THAT WAS REAL FUCKED UP YOU WAS DOIN' THAT." 976 00:42:36,086 --> 00:42:38,889 "SO, OH, SO YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN IT'S DONE TO YOU? 977 00:42:38,923 --> 00:42:42,393 DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WANT THEM TO DO TO YOU. 978 00:42:42,426 --> 00:42:44,628 GET YOUR ASS OFF MY STAGE." 979 00:42:44,662 --> 00:42:46,130 AUDIENCE ARE LAUGHING, ABOUT 600 PEOPLE, 980 00:42:46,163 --> 00:42:47,331 EVERYONE'S LAUGHING. 981 00:42:47,364 --> 00:42:49,199 THERE'S A TABLE HERE WITH TWO MEN 982 00:42:49,233 --> 00:42:50,734 WHO AREN'T LAUGHING, THEY'RE IN THE FRONT. 983 00:42:50,768 --> 00:42:52,236 THEY'RE IN MY EYE-LINE. 984 00:42:52,269 --> 00:42:53,938 NOW I'M LIKE, I'M GONNA MAKE... 985 00:42:53,971 --> 00:42:55,272 AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID IT OUT LOUD, 986 00:42:55,306 --> 00:42:56,974 I WENT, "YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS? 987 00:42:57,007 --> 00:42:58,976 I'M GONNA MAKE YOU LAUGH IF IT KILLS ME." 988 00:42:59,009 --> 00:43:00,978 THEY'RE LAUGHING. DOING SOMETHING AGAIN. 989 00:43:01,011 --> 00:43:02,746 THEY'RE LAUGHING. I WENT, 990 00:43:02,780 --> 00:43:04,682 "MATE, WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING?" HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. 991 00:43:04,715 --> 00:43:07,685 THE GUY NEXT TO HIM SAID THIS AND IT'S A QUOTE, 992 00:43:07,718 --> 00:43:10,120 "MATE, HE DOESN'T TALK TO NIGGERS." 993 00:43:10,154 --> 00:43:12,122 IT'S WHAT HE SAID. RIGHT? 994 00:43:12,156 --> 00:43:15,659 AND THIS IS IN THE NOUGHTIES THIS WAS, 2007 OR SOMETHING. 995 00:43:15,693 --> 00:43:17,661 AND THE WHOLE AUDIENCE WAS LIKE, [GASPS]! 996 00:43:17,695 --> 00:43:19,330 AND I SAID, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT? 997 00:43:19,363 --> 00:43:21,332 THIS COTTON PICKIN' GRASS CHEWING NIGGER 998 00:43:21,365 --> 00:43:23,000 WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. 999 00:43:23,033 --> 00:43:24,335 I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM. 1000 00:43:24,368 --> 00:43:26,337 AND BY THE WAY, WHO ARE YOU, 1001 00:43:26,370 --> 00:43:29,873 THE MOUTHPIECE OF THE NON-NIGGER SPEAKER?" 1002 00:43:29,907 --> 00:43:31,742 D'YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE AUDIENCE... 1003 00:43:31,775 --> 00:43:34,912 AND I JUST, AND I NEVER NORMALLY LOSE IT ONSTAGE 1004 00:43:34,945 --> 00:43:36,413 BUT THAT-- GLOVES ARE OFF. 1005 00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:39,416 AND EVERY SINGLE BIT OF ARSENAL IN MY HEAD WAS LIKE, 1006 00:43:39,450 --> 00:43:41,118 BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG! 1007 00:43:41,151 --> 00:43:42,820 THE AUDIENCE ARE PISSIN' THEMSELVES. 1008 00:43:42,853 --> 00:43:45,155 NO REACTION, AND PEOPLE AROUND THAT TABLE WERE SORT OF DOIN' THAT, 1009 00:43:45,189 --> 00:43:46,857 AND I'M GOING, BANG, BANG. 1010 00:43:46,890 --> 00:43:48,292 AND THEN AT THE END OF IT I WENT, "YOU KNOW WHAT? 1011 00:43:48,325 --> 00:43:49,893 I'LL TELL YOU WHO'S GOT THE POWER. 1012 00:43:49,927 --> 00:43:53,197 THIS NIGGER WANTS YOU OUT. FUCKIN' GET OUT." 1013 00:43:53,230 --> 00:43:56,200 AND THE WHOLE AUDIENCE, "OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!" 1014 00:44:06,043 --> 00:44:10,014 [SAM] I CONSIDER THIS THE GREATEST HECKLE KILL OF ALL TIME. 1015 00:44:10,047 --> 00:44:12,716 I WAS DOING THIS SHOW IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA. 1016 00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:14,151 AND I TALK ABOUT THE TIME 1017 00:44:14,184 --> 00:44:18,155 I GOT MY ASS KICKED BY MY GIRLFRIEND. 1018 00:44:18,188 --> 00:44:21,859 AND SUDDENLY IN THE BACK I HEAR, "JOKE THIEF!" 1019 00:44:21,892 --> 00:44:23,861 I GO, "WHAT?" AND SHE, 1020 00:44:23,894 --> 00:44:26,864 THIS CHICK IN THE BACK GOES, "YOU'RE A JOKE THIEF." 1021 00:44:26,897 --> 00:44:28,866 AND I LOOK BACK AND THERE'S THIS LITTLE DESERT RAT. 1022 00:44:28,899 --> 00:44:30,868 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE BEEN TO PHOENIX, ARIZONA, 1023 00:44:30,901 --> 00:44:33,037 BUT THEY BEEN IN THE SUN TOO FUCKING LONG. 1024 00:44:33,070 --> 00:44:36,040 IT'S THE WORST COMBINATION OF METH AND SUN 1025 00:44:36,073 --> 00:44:37,908 YOU'LL EVER MEET IN YOUR LIFE. 1026 00:44:37,941 --> 00:44:41,245 JUST TALKING BACON, NOBODY'S GOT TEETH. 1027 00:44:41,278 --> 00:44:43,247 THIS GUY IN THE FRONT ROW IS LAUGHING AT EVERYTHING, 1028 00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,115 AND EVERY TIME HE'D LAUGH-- HE'S GOT NO TEETH-- 1029 00:44:45,149 --> 00:44:47,451 HE'S LAUGHING. I FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING CHASED BY PAC-MAN. 1030 00:44:47,484 --> 00:44:50,154 I LOOK IN THAT BACK, THERE'S THIS FUCKIN' DESERT RAT 1031 00:44:50,187 --> 00:44:52,489 ABOUT 4'2" TALL BUT BIG TITS, 1032 00:44:52,523 --> 00:44:54,491 SHE'S LIKE A TIT MIDGET, 1033 00:44:54,525 --> 00:44:57,361 JUST GIANT BIG OLE BITTY TITTIES 1034 00:44:57,394 --> 00:44:59,897 ON THIS LIKE LITTLE CHICK, BUT SHE'S SITTING ON 1035 00:44:59,930 --> 00:45:01,899 THIS GIANT, WHITE ORANGUTAN, 1036 00:45:01,932 --> 00:45:05,402 THIS HUGE WHITE SUPREMACIST, FUCKIN' DUDE 1037 00:45:05,436 --> 00:45:06,937 WHO LOOKS LIKE HE THOUGHT LIKE 1038 00:45:06,970 --> 00:45:08,439 "AMERICAN HISTORY X" WAS A COMEDY. 1039 00:45:08,472 --> 00:45:11,975 LIKE A GIANT FUCKIN' ANGRY, LIKE, SAS-- 1040 00:45:12,009 --> 00:45:14,478 WHITE ALBINO SASQUATCH. 1041 00:45:14,511 --> 00:45:16,480 I GO, "LADY, WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THAT'S A REAL STORY. 1042 00:45:16,513 --> 00:45:18,015 I GOT THE SCARS TO PROVE IT." 1043 00:45:18,048 --> 00:45:20,751 SHE GOES, "NO, THAT'S JOE ROGAN'S JOKE." 1044 00:45:22,586 --> 00:45:24,188 NOW THE ROOM IS QUIET. 1045 00:45:26,590 --> 00:45:28,559 I GO, "OKAY, HOW 'BOUT THIS? 1046 00:45:28,592 --> 00:45:30,561 I'LL CALL JOE AND IF HE SAYS IT'S HIS JOKE, 1047 00:45:30,594 --> 00:45:32,096 I'LL QUIT COMEDY. 1048 00:45:32,129 --> 00:45:33,330 IF HE SAYS IT'S NOT HIS JOKE, 1049 00:45:33,363 --> 00:45:34,865 YOU HAVE TO COME UP HERE 1050 00:45:34,898 --> 00:45:37,367 AND LET PAC-MAN MOTORBOAT THEM TITS, OKAY?" 1051 00:45:37,401 --> 00:45:39,069 [CREW LAUGHING] 1052 00:45:39,103 --> 00:45:40,504 SHE'S LIKE, "GOOD, GOOD, BUT YOU WON'T 1053 00:45:40,537 --> 00:45:42,039 'CAUSE YOU'RE A JOKE THIEF." SO I'M LIKE, OKAY. 1054 00:45:42,072 --> 00:45:43,373 I CALL JOE. IT'S A FRIDAY NIGHT. 1055 00:45:43,407 --> 00:45:45,042 THE PHONE RINGS. HE DOESN'T ANSWER. 1056 00:45:45,075 --> 00:45:46,477 I GO, "HE DIDN'T ANSWER." "'COURSE HE DIDN'T, 1057 00:45:46,510 --> 00:45:48,145 'CAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING JOKE THIEF." 1058 00:45:48,178 --> 00:45:50,481 SUDDENLY THE PHONE RINGS, AND IT'S JOE ROGAN. 1059 00:45:50,514 --> 00:45:52,850 SO I ANSWER THE PHONE, I PUT IT ON SPEAKERPHONE. 1060 00:45:52,883 --> 00:45:54,418 I'M LIKE, "JOE, WHAT'S UP?" 1061 00:45:54,451 --> 00:45:56,587 HE'S LIKE, "WHAT'S UP, TRIPOLI, YOU SAVAGE?" 1062 00:45:56,620 --> 00:45:58,455 I'M LIKE, "JOE, DO YOU DO A JOKE 1063 00:45:58,489 --> 00:46:00,457 ABOUT GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED BY YOUR GIRLFRIEND?" 1064 00:46:00,491 --> 00:46:02,559 HE'S LIKE, "NO, MAN! I'M JOE ROGAN. 1065 00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:04,995 I DON'T FUCKIN' GET MY ASS KICKED BY ANYBODY." 1066 00:46:05,028 --> 00:46:06,330 I GO, "JOE, YOU'RE THE BEST." I HANG UP. 1067 00:46:06,363 --> 00:46:07,865 I'M LIKE, "HEY, SWEETIE, 1068 00:46:07,898 --> 00:46:09,366 TIME TO PAY THE TOLL TO THE TROLL. 1069 00:46:09,399 --> 00:46:11,235 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?" 1070 00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:13,103 SHE'S LIKE, "FUCK YOU. YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT." 1071 00:46:13,137 --> 00:46:15,272 AND SHE STARTS SCREAMING AT ME, SCREAMING AT ME. 1072 00:46:15,305 --> 00:46:17,975 I'M LIKE, "LADY, CALM THE FUCK-- IT'S A COMEDY SHOW." 1073 00:46:18,008 --> 00:46:20,511 OUTTA NOWHERE THIS OTHER CHICK JUMPS UP AND SHE GOES, 1074 00:46:20,544 --> 00:46:23,881 "I THINK HE'S FUNNY." AND JUST, WHACK! 1075 00:46:23,914 --> 00:46:25,883 DROPS THIS BIG TITTY BITCH. 1076 00:46:25,916 --> 00:46:28,852 [CREW LAUGHING] 1077 00:46:28,886 --> 00:46:32,189 I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO 45 MINUTES THAT NIGHT, 1078 00:46:32,222 --> 00:46:34,358 I'M 20 MINUTES INTO THIS SET, I'M LIKE, 1079 00:46:34,391 --> 00:46:36,360 "THAT'S THE BEST WE GET. I GOTTA CALL IT A NIGHT. 1080 00:46:36,393 --> 00:46:38,162 GOOD NIGHT, DUDE." 1081 00:46:50,107 --> 00:46:53,443 [CEDRIC] THE AUDIENCE IS A GROUP OF WILD HORSES. 1082 00:46:56,146 --> 00:46:58,982 THEY'RE COMING IN FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE. 1083 00:46:59,016 --> 00:47:01,552 THEY'RE IN THERE AND THERE, ALL KINDS OF STUFF IS GOIN' ON. 1084 00:47:01,585 --> 00:47:05,422 YOU KNOW, UNTIL WHEN YOU WALK OUT ONSTAGE 1085 00:47:05,455 --> 00:47:08,125 THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS, LIKE, 1086 00:47:08,158 --> 00:47:10,627 GRAB THE REINS AND JUST TRY TO RIDE IT, 1087 00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:12,996 LIKE, JUST TOTALLY JUST TRY TO LIKE GET IT. 1088 00:47:13,030 --> 00:47:15,165 LIKE, AH, EVERYBODY GET IN LINE. 1089 00:47:15,199 --> 00:47:18,168 AH! AH! LIKE, LISTEN TO ME. I'M THE GUY. 1090 00:47:18,202 --> 00:47:21,471 BECAUSE IF YOU START TO LET PEOPLE KINDA GO OFF ON THEIR OWN, 1091 00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:23,006 NEXT THING YOU KNOW, 1092 00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:25,175 THIS GROUP IS OVER HERE CHATTERING. 1093 00:47:25,209 --> 00:47:28,345 NOW THESE, THEY, THESE PEOPLE WANNA TALK TO THEM. 1094 00:47:28,378 --> 00:47:29,980 SOMEBODY TELLS THAT GUY TO SHUT UP. 1095 00:47:30,013 --> 00:47:31,315 THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, 1096 00:47:31,348 --> 00:47:32,649 YOU DON'T HAVE THE ROOM AT ALL. 1097 00:47:32,683 --> 00:47:34,484 LIKE, AND IT'S THAT FAST. 1098 00:47:34,518 --> 00:47:36,587 OH, MAN, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 1099 00:47:36,620 --> 00:47:39,456 IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN DOING STAND UP COMEDY. 1100 00:47:39,489 --> 00:47:42,626 WHETHER YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR TWO YEARS OR 25 YEARS 1101 00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:44,628 OR 30 YEARS, 1102 00:47:44,661 --> 00:47:47,998 YOU ARE NEVER EXEMPT FROM A BAD NIGHT, NEVER. 1103 00:47:48,031 --> 00:47:50,167 DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU ARE. 1104 00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,670 YOU, WE, THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF COMEDY IS THAT 1105 00:47:53,704 --> 00:47:56,440 YOU'RE NOT GUARANTEED TO KILL. 1106 00:47:56,473 --> 00:47:58,141 YOU KNOW THAT MOMENT AFTER A BOXER 1107 00:47:58,175 --> 00:48:00,010 SORT OF GETS PUNCHED THAT HE WASN'T EXPECTING 1108 00:48:00,043 --> 00:48:01,712 AND SORT OF HAS A LITTLE STUMBLE. 1109 00:48:01,745 --> 00:48:03,280 WELL, THAT'S THE SAME AS A COMIC 1110 00:48:03,313 --> 00:48:06,083 WHEN YOU DON'T GET A LAUGH THAT YOU WERE EXPECTING. 1111 00:48:06,116 --> 00:48:09,086 OH, GOD, WHAT, WHAT'S HAPPENED THERE? 1112 00:48:09,119 --> 00:48:11,588 AND A BLOKE IN THE SECOND ROW, HE GOES, 1113 00:48:11,622 --> 00:48:15,092 "YOU CAN GO HOME IF YOU WANT, SON." 1114 00:48:15,125 --> 00:48:16,960 AND I REMEMBER THINKING, 1115 00:48:16,994 --> 00:48:19,630 THAT IS WORSE THAN BEING CALLED A TWAT. 1116 00:48:19,663 --> 00:48:22,165 LIKE THAT IS WORSE THAN SOMEONE SAYING, "FUCK OFF." 1117 00:48:22,199 --> 00:48:26,169 LIKE IT'S THE WORST THING, A NICE, LIKE A NICE, 1118 00:48:26,203 --> 00:48:28,038 LIKE HE'S PUTTING ME OUT OF MY MISERY. 1119 00:48:28,071 --> 00:48:30,374 HE'S NOT EVEN, HE'S NOT A NASTY BLOKE. 1120 00:48:30,407 --> 00:48:32,242 HE'S ACTUALLY A NICE MAN, 1121 00:48:32,276 --> 00:48:34,745 SAYING, I CAN'T, AS A HUMAN BEING, 1122 00:48:34,778 --> 00:48:37,447 I CAN'T WATCH ANY MORE OF THIS. 1123 00:48:37,481 --> 00:48:38,982 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 1124 00:48:39,016 --> 00:48:41,985 AS A MAN WHO, WHO HAS HUMANS IN MY LIFE 1125 00:48:42,019 --> 00:48:43,320 THAT I LOVE 1126 00:48:43,353 --> 00:48:46,723 I CAN'T WATCH THIS, TRAIN CRASH. 1127 00:48:46,757 --> 00:48:50,694 WHEN YOU HEAR IN THE BACK OF A ROOM SOMEBODY GO, 1128 00:48:50,727 --> 00:48:54,631 [WHISTLE SOUND DESCENDING] 1129 00:48:59,303 --> 00:49:02,706 [IMITATING EXPLOSION] 1130 00:49:02,739 --> 00:49:04,308 UGH. 1131 00:49:04,341 --> 00:49:06,643 IT'S SO MEAN. 1132 00:49:06,677 --> 00:49:09,546 IT'S SO FUCKING MEAN. 1133 00:49:09,579 --> 00:49:12,382 AND ALSO THE FACT THAT IT'S A VERY LIGHT SOUND 1134 00:49:12,416 --> 00:49:14,084 AND IF YOU CAN HEAR IT, 1135 00:49:14,117 --> 00:49:17,587 THAT IS A TESTAMENT TO THE SILENCE IN THE ROOM. 1136 00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:19,222 IT'S SO BRUTAL. 1137 00:49:19,256 --> 00:49:21,725 I'VE HAD 500 PEOPLE IN A ROOM 1138 00:49:21,758 --> 00:49:23,593 AND IT'S BEEN GOING SO BADLY 1139 00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:25,595 AND THAT IT WAS SO MUCH SILENCE, 1140 00:49:25,629 --> 00:49:27,597 THAT AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM I HEARD, 1141 00:49:27,631 --> 00:49:29,766 -"TUT." THAT WAS IT. -[CREW LAUGHING] 1142 00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:31,768 JUST, "TUT." 1143 00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:35,639 AND IT JUST WAFTED ALL ACROSS THE ROOM. 1144 00:49:35,672 --> 00:49:38,475 ONE TUT. "TUT." 1145 00:49:38,508 --> 00:49:40,177 HORRIBLE. 1146 00:49:40,210 --> 00:49:43,046 IT'S LIKE THE CLICK OF A GUN, [CLICKS TONGUE]. 1147 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,682 YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT. [CLICKS TONGUE] 1148 00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:47,384 I REMEMBER AND OLD LADY 1149 00:49:47,417 --> 00:49:49,553 CAME, CAME, WALKED TO THE FRONT OF THE STAGE AND SAID, 1150 00:49:49,586 --> 00:49:52,356 "WHY, WHY DON'T YOU GO AWAY?" 1151 00:49:52,389 --> 00:49:54,091 IT WASN'T EVEN A HECKLE. 1152 00:49:54,124 --> 00:49:57,260 I DON'T THINK SHE HAD THE STRENGTH TO HECKLE. 1153 00:49:57,294 --> 00:49:59,763 AND I SAID TO HER, I REMEMBER, 1154 00:49:59,796 --> 00:50:03,633 "WELL, YOU'LL NEVER SEE ANOTHER STRAWBERRY SEASON ANYWAY." 1155 00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:05,168 AND THERE WAS BOOING FROM THE CROWD. 1156 00:50:05,202 --> 00:50:06,703 I MEAN, EVERYTHING I DID. 1157 00:50:06,737 --> 00:50:08,372 I LOOKED TO THE WINGS. 1158 00:50:08,405 --> 00:50:10,374 THERE WAS THE D.J., THE OWNER OF THE CLUB 1159 00:50:10,407 --> 00:50:14,244 AND THE GUY WHO WAS AT THAT TIME, CALLING HIMSELF MY AGENT, 1160 00:50:14,277 --> 00:50:18,181 GOING, "COME OFF. COME OFF." 1161 00:50:18,215 --> 00:50:21,818 AND I WAS THINKING, NO, THE NEXT, THE NEXT GAG WILL TURN IT ROUND. 1162 00:50:21,852 --> 00:50:23,353 ONE NIGHT, UH, 1163 00:50:23,387 --> 00:50:26,223 JIM NORTON THREW A PHONE BOOK AT ME 1164 00:50:26,256 --> 00:50:28,258 AT THE BOSTON COMEDY CLUB. 1165 00:50:28,291 --> 00:50:30,127 HE THROWS IT. 1166 00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:31,461 I'M BOMBING, 1167 00:50:31,495 --> 00:50:34,631 "OH, I'M SICK OF THIS!" HE THROWS A PHONE BOOK. 1168 00:50:34,664 --> 00:50:37,634 "SOMEBODY CALL ANYBODY OUTTA THAT BOOK 1169 00:50:37,667 --> 00:50:41,204 TO GET HIM OFF STAGE. 1170 00:50:41,238 --> 00:50:43,740 ANYBODY." 1171 00:50:43,774 --> 00:50:46,443 THE CROWD'S LAUGHING. 1172 00:50:46,476 --> 00:50:48,311 I JUST REMEMBER LOOKING AT THE PHONE BOOK, 1173 00:50:48,345 --> 00:50:50,547 PICKING IT UP AND, "THANK YOU. GOOD NIGHT." 1174 00:50:50,580 --> 00:50:53,250 I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO 20 MINUTES. 1175 00:50:53,283 --> 00:50:55,252 I DID TWO. 1176 00:50:55,285 --> 00:50:59,122 'CAUSE I WALKED OUT THERE, I BLACKED OUT, 1177 00:50:59,156 --> 00:51:01,625 AND APPARENTLY ONSTAGE I WENT, 1178 00:51:01,658 --> 00:51:05,495 "[BABBLING]." 1179 00:51:05,529 --> 00:51:07,364 THAT'S ALL PEOPLE HEARD. 1180 00:51:07,397 --> 00:51:10,534 AND THEN I RAN, I DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOODNIGHT, I RAN OFFSTAGE, 1181 00:51:10,567 --> 00:51:12,536 AND THEN I BLACKED-OUT AND I WOKE UP, 1182 00:51:12,569 --> 00:51:15,405 IN A, IN A WHITE-LIKE GREEN ROOM 1183 00:51:15,439 --> 00:51:16,907 THAT WAS BRIGHTLY LIT, 1184 00:51:16,940 --> 00:51:18,909 AND MY AGENTS, THEY'RE LAUGHING. 1185 00:51:18,942 --> 00:51:21,445 I HAVE NO SHIRT ON, I HAD BEEN CRYING, 1186 00:51:21,478 --> 00:51:23,146 AND THEY'RE LIKE, "WHAT HAP--" 1187 00:51:23,180 --> 00:51:25,649 I GO, "WHAT HAPPENED?" THEY GO, "YOU WALKED UP ON THE STAGE 1188 00:51:25,682 --> 00:51:27,184 AND YOU JUST STARTED GOING, [BABBLING]. 1189 00:51:27,217 --> 00:51:28,518 YOU KNOW? 1190 00:51:28,552 --> 00:51:32,222 AND I GO, "WHY? WHY DID I DO THAT?" 1191 00:51:32,255 --> 00:51:34,891 BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WAS I STARTED EATING IT AND I, 1192 00:51:34,925 --> 00:51:36,426 THATWAS THE FIRST TIME AND THE LAST TIME 1193 00:51:36,460 --> 00:51:38,295 IT'S EVER HAPPENED, WHERE LIKE, 1194 00:51:38,328 --> 00:51:41,298 A SENSE OF LIKE, MY BODY WENT, 1195 00:51:41,331 --> 00:51:43,166 "YOU HAVE TO PROTECT YOURSELF, 1196 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:44,668 BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS." 1197 00:51:44,701 --> 00:51:47,204 THIS IS LIKE BEING RAPED, LIKE, IN PRISON. 1198 00:51:47,237 --> 00:51:48,705 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 1199 00:51:48,738 --> 00:51:50,407 YOU KNOW, IF I WAS EVER RAPED IN PRISON, 1200 00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:51,908 I WOULD NEVER TALK ABOUT IT AND I WOULD SAY THAT, 1201 00:51:51,942 --> 00:51:53,643 "PEOPLE, I WAS NEVER RAPED. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN." 1202 00:51:53,677 --> 00:51:55,612 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 1203 00:51:55,645 --> 00:51:57,314 BECAUSE YOUR BODY, YOU CAN'T, 1204 00:51:57,347 --> 00:52:00,317 THE, THE, THE, YOU KNOW, THE HUMILIATION 1205 00:52:00,350 --> 00:52:02,419 IS TOO MUCH FOR THE HUMAN MIND TO DEAL WITH. 1206 00:52:02,452 --> 00:52:04,921 A REAL BOO, IS USUALLY STARTED OFF LIKE, 1207 00:52:04,955 --> 00:52:08,458 YOU HEAR ONE PERSON LIKE, "Y-ARRR." 1208 00:52:08,492 --> 00:52:10,794 AND THEN YOU HEAR ANOTHER BROTHER SAY, 1209 00:52:10,827 --> 00:52:11,895 "BOO!" 1210 00:52:13,997 --> 00:52:15,665 AND THEN IT'S QUIET, 1211 00:52:15,699 --> 00:52:18,201 AND THEY GIVE YOU ANOTHER JOKE. 1212 00:52:18,235 --> 00:52:19,703 AND THEN YOU HEAR, 1213 00:52:19,736 --> 00:52:23,573 "OH! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE." 1214 00:52:23,607 --> 00:52:25,909 NOW, HERE COMES EVERYBODY. 1215 00:52:25,942 --> 00:52:29,913 "Y-ARRR! BOO! 1216 00:52:29,946 --> 00:52:32,449 UUUHHH! 1217 00:52:32,482 --> 00:52:33,950 BOO! 1218 00:52:33,984 --> 00:52:36,319 [IMITATING NOISY CROWD] 1219 00:52:36,353 --> 00:52:38,488 GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, BITCH! 1220 00:52:38,522 --> 00:52:40,357 [CROWD NOISE] 1221 00:52:40,390 --> 00:52:41,858 BOO! 1222 00:52:41,892 --> 00:52:43,226 NEXT!" 1223 00:52:43,260 --> 00:52:46,863 "BOO!" 1224 00:52:46,897 --> 00:52:48,732 I WAS LIKE, "WOW. I DIDN'T EVEN SAY NOTHIN'." 1225 00:52:48,765 --> 00:52:50,901 THAT WAS LIKE, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY." "BOO!" 1226 00:52:50,934 --> 00:52:53,603 THEY BOOED ME HARDER BECAUSE IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY. 1227 00:52:53,637 --> 00:52:55,605 I THOUGHT THAT WAS RUDE. 1228 00:52:55,639 --> 00:52:58,375 I HEARD THIS CHANT START OF, "OFF! OFF! OFF!" 1229 00:52:58,408 --> 00:53:00,010 AND I, YOU KNOW, 1230 00:53:00,043 --> 00:53:02,012 WHEN YOU LOOK TO THE RIGHT LIKE THAT, SCORSESE ZOOMS, 1231 00:53:02,045 --> 00:53:03,713 SOMEONE GOING, "OFF! OFF!" 1232 00:53:03,747 --> 00:53:06,783 YOU LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE GOING, "OFF! OFF!" 1233 00:53:06,816 --> 00:53:08,318 AND I LOOKED TO THE BACK AND MY WIFE WAS THERE, 1234 00:53:08,351 --> 00:53:10,387 SHE WAS GOING, "OFF! OFF! OFF!" 1235 00:53:10,420 --> 00:53:11,988 AND I CAME OFF AND SAID, "WHAT WERE YOU DOING?" 1236 00:53:12,022 --> 00:53:14,491 SHE GOES, "I STARTED THIS CHANT BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T COME OFF." 1237 00:53:14,524 --> 00:53:16,493 AND I THOUGHT, "LET'S GO FOR DINNER. IT'S NOT WORKING." 1238 00:53:16,526 --> 00:53:18,428 SO SHE STARTED THE CHANT. 1239 00:53:18,461 --> 00:53:22,599 500 PEOPLE IN THIS AUDIENCE AT CHRISTMAS 1240 00:53:22,632 --> 00:53:27,771 WERE, WERE JUST GOING, "FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF!" 1241 00:53:27,804 --> 00:53:29,472 AND I WAS LIKE THAT, 1242 00:53:29,506 --> 00:53:32,976 AND ALL I CAN SAY WAS, "BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS." 1243 00:53:33,009 --> 00:53:34,678 AND THAT'S ALL I HAD. 1244 00:53:34,711 --> 00:53:36,846 "BUT IT'S, IT'S CHRISTMAS." 1245 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,382 LIKE PEOPLE CARE. 1246 00:53:39,416 --> 00:53:41,351 "FUCK OFF!" UH, IT WAS HORRIBLE. 1247 00:53:41,384 --> 00:53:44,354 YOU WALKIN' OFF THE STAGE AND YOU WALKIN' TOWARDS THE ROOM 1248 00:53:44,387 --> 00:53:45,989 AND YOU STILL HEAR, [CROWD NOISES]. 1249 00:53:46,022 --> 00:53:47,557 AND THEN THEY'RE LAUGHIN' 'CAUSE SOMEBODY 1250 00:53:47,591 --> 00:53:49,559 SAID SOMETHIN' THAT'S FUNNY ABOUT SOMEONE. 1251 00:53:49,593 --> 00:53:51,895 [CROWD LAUGHING] AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, 1252 00:53:51,928 --> 00:53:54,598 THE HOST THAT GOES OUT ON THE STAGE, 1253 00:53:54,631 --> 00:53:57,601 HE SAYS SOMETHING FUCKED UP ABOUT YOU, 1254 00:53:57,634 --> 00:53:59,603 'CAUSE THE CROWD'S JUST DYIN' LAUGHIN'. 1255 00:53:59,636 --> 00:54:02,973 IT WAS LIKE, OH SHIT. I'M LIKE, "DAMN." 1256 00:54:04,641 --> 00:54:07,944 ♪ MM, MM, MMM, MMM ♪ 1257 00:54:07,978 --> 00:54:09,613 [LAUGHS] AND IT'S THE SLOWEST 1258 00:54:09,646 --> 00:54:12,415 YOU KNOW, LIKE, 1259 00:54:12,449 --> 00:54:16,019 COWBOY WALK OFF, LIKE EVERYTHING IS HAPPENIN' IN SLOW MOTION. 1260 00:54:16,052 --> 00:54:19,522 YOU CAN JUST SEE, LIKE, PEOPLE LOOKIN' AT YOU LIKE, 1261 00:54:19,556 --> 00:54:22,792 "YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER." 1262 00:54:22,826 --> 00:54:26,463 YOU GET, YOU KNOW, IT'S THE WHOLE ROOM, 1263 00:54:26,496 --> 00:54:28,598 EVERYTHING IS SLOW MOTION, LIKE, YOU KNOW, 1264 00:54:28,632 --> 00:54:31,801 THE MIC CORD IS LIKE, [DRAGGING SOUND]. 1265 00:54:36,072 --> 00:54:39,009 [CROWD CHATTER] 1266 00:54:43,513 --> 00:54:49,452 I STARTED DOIN' THE JOKES AND COULD FEEL THAT THING WHEREAS A COMIC YOU START TRYING 1267 00:54:49,486 --> 00:54:50,987 TO SPEED UP THE MATERIAL. 1268 00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:53,789 AND THEN AFTER 30 MORE SECONDS OF THAT 1269 00:54:53,822 --> 00:54:57,427 YOU REALISE, "OH, SHIT. I'M IN TROUBLE." 1270 00:54:57,661 --> 00:54:59,963 AND SHORTLY AFTER THAT I REALISE, 1271 00:54:59,996 --> 00:55:02,098 I AM BOMBING. RIGHT? 1272 00:55:02,132 --> 00:55:04,634 AND I DIDN'T HAVE THE WHEREWITHAL 1273 00:55:04,668 --> 00:55:06,436 TO BE ABLE TO EMBRACE THE BOMB. 1274 00:55:06,469 --> 00:55:08,438 I DIDN'T HAVE THE TOOLS 1275 00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:10,774 TO BE ABLE TO SILENCE THE HECKLERS. 1276 00:55:10,807 --> 00:55:14,778 AND THEN AFTER, MAYBE, TWO OR THREE PEOPLE, 1277 00:55:14,811 --> 00:55:17,781 GOT, YOU KNOW, SAY, OH, WE CAN CONTROL THIS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 1278 00:55:17,814 --> 00:55:19,783 THE CROWD REALISED THAT, "WE'RE PART OF THE SHOW, TOO. 1279 00:55:19,816 --> 00:55:21,951 SO IF THIS GUY ISN'T GIVING US WHAT WE WANT, 1280 00:55:21,985 --> 00:55:24,487 THEN, FUCK, WE'LL GIVE OURSELVES WHAT WE WANT 1281 00:55:24,521 --> 00:55:26,656 WHICH IS TO GET HIS ASS OFF STAGE." 1282 00:55:26,690 --> 00:55:28,825 AND THEN IT JUST, THE SURROUND SOUND KICKED IN. 1283 00:55:28,858 --> 00:55:31,695 THEY STARTED BOOING, AND THERE'S, YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE... 1284 00:55:31,728 --> 00:55:34,864 AND IT WAS THE ONLY TIME WHERE I PHYSICALLY 1285 00:55:34,898 --> 00:55:37,000 PUT THE MICROPHONE BACK IN THE MIC STAND 1286 00:55:37,033 --> 00:55:39,536 AND SAID, "THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME." 1287 00:55:39,569 --> 00:55:41,871 AND I TOOK, IT WAS, IT LITERALLY CRUSHED ME 1288 00:55:41,905 --> 00:55:44,407 TO TAKE, THAT IS A LOT. 1289 00:55:44,441 --> 00:55:46,076 TO PUT IT BACK? 1290 00:55:46,109 --> 00:55:47,911 AND, MAN! 1291 00:55:47,944 --> 00:55:49,446 NOW THINKING ABOUT IT. 1292 00:55:49,479 --> 00:55:50,647 SHIT. 1293 00:55:56,753 --> 00:55:58,054 SO... 1294 00:55:58,088 --> 00:55:59,589 IT'S FUNNY. 1295 00:55:59,622 --> 00:56:02,926 UM... 1296 00:56:02,959 --> 00:56:05,795 BERNIE MAC WENT OUT... 1297 00:56:05,829 --> 00:56:08,898 AND, THIS DUDE WAS SO GRACIOUS. 1298 00:56:13,236 --> 00:56:17,073 HE WENT OUT AND TOLD THE AUDIENCE THAT, YOU KNOW, 1299 00:56:17,107 --> 00:56:18,675 THAT I WAS A GREAT COMIC. 1300 00:56:18,708 --> 00:56:21,177 MADE ME COME BACK OUT, MADE THEM GIVE ME 1301 00:56:21,211 --> 00:56:23,546 A ROUND OF APPLAUSE. 1302 00:56:23,580 --> 00:56:25,682 AND, UH, IT WAS FUNNY. 1303 00:56:25,715 --> 00:56:28,017 THIS IS, THERE IS ACTUALLY A FUNNY PART TO THIS STORY. 1304 00:56:28,051 --> 00:56:29,886 SO HOPEFULLY I CAN GET TO IT. 1305 00:56:29,919 --> 00:56:31,020 BUT... 1306 00:56:33,623 --> 00:56:35,925 SHOW WAS OVER. 1307 00:56:35,959 --> 00:56:37,927 THE, THE, OKAY, I'LL GET TO THE FUNNY PART 1308 00:56:37,961 --> 00:56:39,796 'CAUSE IT'LL MAKE THIS EASIER TO TELL. 1309 00:56:39,829 --> 00:56:44,134 ON THE SIDE OF THE STAGE IS RICHARD DENT, BO JACKSON, 1310 00:56:44,167 --> 00:56:46,970 AND MICHAEL JORDAN. 1311 00:56:47,003 --> 00:56:48,772 FUCK! YOUR LIFE! 1312 00:56:48,805 --> 00:56:50,640 IT'S MICHAEL FUCKIN' JORDAN 1313 00:56:50,673 --> 00:56:54,244 YOU JUST GOT BOOED OFFSTAGE IN FRONT OF MOTHERFUCKER! 1314 00:56:54,277 --> 00:56:55,945 AH! RIGHT? 1315 00:56:55,979 --> 00:57:00,483 SO... AFTER THE SHOW, 1316 00:57:00,517 --> 00:57:03,153 UH... 1317 00:57:03,186 --> 00:57:05,622 YOU KNOW, THE SHOW, THE REST OF THE SHOW WAS GREAT. 1318 00:57:05,655 --> 00:57:07,791 YOU KNOW, THE REST OF THE SHOW WAS PHENOMENAL. 1319 00:57:07,824 --> 00:57:08,958 RIGHT? 1320 00:57:08,992 --> 00:57:12,662 AND SO, AFTER THE SHOW, 1321 00:57:12,695 --> 00:57:13,997 ALL OF THE OTHER COMICS, 1322 00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:15,698 THERE'S ALL OF THIS GREAT ENERGY 1323 00:57:15,732 --> 00:57:17,700 AND THEY'RE ALL TALKING TO MICHAEL JORDAN. 1324 00:57:17,734 --> 00:57:19,202 AND, AND, YOU KNOW, 1325 00:57:19,235 --> 00:57:22,071 HIGH-FIVIN' AND THERE'S LAUGHTER GOIN' ON. 1326 00:57:22,105 --> 00:57:25,074 AND I'M OFF IN THE CORNER BEHIND THE THEATRE CURTAIN, 1327 00:57:25,108 --> 00:57:26,943 LIKE, PEEKIN' OUT LIKE THIS, 1328 00:57:26,976 --> 00:57:28,812 YOU KNOW, THINKIN' TO MYSELF, 1329 00:57:28,845 --> 00:57:30,980 MR. MICHAEL JORDAN DON'T WANNA MEET ME. 1330 00:57:31,014 --> 00:57:32,916 I GOT BOOED. RIGHT? 1331 00:57:32,949 --> 00:57:34,918 AND SO I STAYED AWAY. RIGHT? 1332 00:57:34,951 --> 00:57:37,620 I GOT ROBBED OF AN OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE THIS GREAT EXPERIENCE 1333 00:57:37,654 --> 00:57:38,955 WITH, YOU KNOW, ARGUABLY 1334 00:57:38,988 --> 00:57:40,657 THE GREATEST BASKETBALL PLAYER IN HISTORY 1335 00:57:40,690 --> 00:57:42,525 AND THESE OTHER WONDERFUL PEOPLE. 1336 00:57:42,559 --> 00:57:45,028 AND HERE'S THE KICKER. 1337 00:57:45,061 --> 00:57:47,297 THAT WAS THE FIRST SHOW. 1338 00:57:47,330 --> 00:57:51,000 THERE WAS A SECOND SHOW THAT NIGHT. 1339 00:57:51,034 --> 00:57:54,170 SO IMAGINE WHAT THE EXPERIENCE IS 1340 00:57:54,204 --> 00:57:56,539 THAT YOU HAVE TO GO OUT 1341 00:57:56,573 --> 00:57:59,075 AND DO ANOTHER SHOW AFTER THAT. 1342 00:58:07,350 --> 00:58:10,286 [PAUL] IT'S LIKE, THERE'S NO OXYGEN, AND YOU CAN'T STOP. 1343 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,822 IF YOU STOP, 1344 00:58:12,856 --> 00:58:15,692 YOU LOSE. 1345 00:58:15,725 --> 00:58:19,996 BECAUSE WE'RE ALL TRYING TO JUST BE WHO WE ARE. 1346 00:58:20,029 --> 00:58:21,698 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE A MUSICIAN 1347 00:58:21,731 --> 00:58:23,566 AND YOU GO UP THERE YOU'VE GOT SONGS 1348 00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:25,735 THAT YOU OR SOMEBODY ELSE HAS WRITTEN. 1349 00:58:25,768 --> 00:58:27,737 IF YOU'RE A PAINTER, YOU GOT THROUGH WHAT YOU DID 1350 00:58:27,770 --> 00:58:29,606 WITH PAINT. 1351 00:58:29,639 --> 00:58:32,942 IT'S ALL THERE, AND IT'S SEPARATE FROM WHO YOU ARE. 1352 00:58:32,976 --> 00:58:34,644 WITH A COMEDIAN, IT'S YOU. 1353 00:58:34,677 --> 00:58:35,979 THERE IS NOTH-- IT'S YOU. 1354 00:58:36,012 --> 00:58:37,680 THEY DON'T NOT LIKE YOUR MATERIAL. 1355 00:58:37,714 --> 00:58:40,016 THEY DON'T NOT LIKE THE CLOTHES YOU'RE WEARING. 1356 00:58:40,049 --> 00:58:41,351 THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. 1357 00:58:41,384 --> 00:58:43,353 IT'S ABOUT AS PERSONAL AS IT GETS. 1358 00:58:43,386 --> 00:58:46,356 AND IT'S REALLY, REALLY, REALLY TRAUMATIC 1359 00:58:46,389 --> 00:58:49,359 WHEN YOU HAVE THOSE NIGHTS WHERE 1360 00:58:49,392 --> 00:58:53,730 IT'S, IT, IT, IT JUST, IT HITS YOU ON AN EXISTENTIAL LEVEL. 1361 00:58:53,763 --> 00:58:56,065 SO NOT DOING WELL AS A COMEDIAN 1362 00:58:56,099 --> 00:58:58,234 IS NOT JUST HAVING A ROUGH DAY AT WORK. 1363 00:58:58,268 --> 00:59:01,104 IT'S AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS. 1364 00:59:01,137 --> 00:59:04,207 NOW YOU'RE JUST IN THIS ROOM BY YOURSELF. 1365 00:59:07,410 --> 00:59:10,380 AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW YOU TO THE ROOM 1366 00:59:10,413 --> 00:59:13,750 WHEN YOU HAVE A, WHEN YOU HAVE A GOOD SHOW... 1367 00:59:13,783 --> 00:59:15,919 NOBODY'S THERE. 1368 00:59:15,952 --> 00:59:18,087 YOU'RE IN THE ROOM BY YOURSELF. 1369 00:59:18,121 --> 00:59:19,789 YOU'RE WAITIN' TO HEAR THE DOOR OPEN 1370 00:59:19,822 --> 00:59:22,225 FOR SOMEBODY TO SAY, "YOU ALL RIGHT?" 1371 00:59:22,258 --> 00:59:24,294 AND THEY NEVER COME TO THE DOOR. 1372 00:59:24,327 --> 00:59:28,831 IT HURTS MORE THAN GOING TO YOUR MOTHER'S FUNERAL. 1373 00:59:28,865 --> 00:59:30,333 BOMBING, IT HURTS THAT BAD. 1374 00:59:30,366 --> 00:59:32,201 DRIVING BACK TO NEW YORK CITY 1375 00:59:32,235 --> 00:59:34,403 I WANTED TO DRIVE OFF THE TAPPAN ZEE BRIDGE, 1376 00:59:34,437 --> 00:59:36,272 IT WAS REALLY BAD. 1377 00:59:36,306 --> 00:59:38,908 I MEAN, JUST TERRIBLE. 1378 00:59:38,942 --> 00:59:42,078 HERE'S WHAT BOMBING IS. 1379 00:59:42,111 --> 00:59:44,414 YOU JUMP OUT OF A PLANE YOU HAVE A PARACHUTE, RIGHT? 1380 00:59:44,447 --> 00:59:47,116 YOU PULL THE CHUTE, IT DOESN'T OPEN. 1381 00:59:47,150 --> 00:59:48,818 YOU GO TO YOUR EMERGENCY CHUTE, 1382 00:59:48,851 --> 00:59:50,253 THAT DOESN'T OPEN. 1383 00:59:50,286 --> 00:59:52,789 THEN YOU'RE LOOKING DOWN FOR A BODY OF WATER 1384 00:59:52,822 --> 00:59:54,791 OR A HAYSTACK, TO LAND ON 1385 00:59:54,824 --> 00:59:56,426 AND YOU TRY TO FLAP YOUR ARMS, 1386 00:59:56,459 --> 00:59:57,961 AND YOU, YOU CAN'T FLY. 1387 00:59:57,994 --> 00:59:59,662 YOU'RE JUST FALLING, FALLING. 1388 00:59:59,696 --> 01:00:01,664 BUT YOU NEVER HIT THE GROUND. 1389 01:00:01,698 --> 01:00:04,968 YOU JUST FALL AND FALL AND FALL. 1390 01:00:05,001 --> 01:00:07,303 AND WHEN YOU WALK OFF STAGE, YOU'RE STILL FALLING. 1391 01:00:07,337 --> 01:00:09,305 YOU GET OUT TO THE LOBBY, NO ONE'S LOOKING AT YOU. 1392 01:00:09,339 --> 01:00:12,175 THE CLUB, "UH, HEY, UH." YOU'RE STILL FALLING. 1393 01:00:12,208 --> 01:00:13,977 YOU GET IN A CAB, YOU'RE STILL FALLING. 1394 01:00:14,010 --> 01:00:15,144 YOU GO HOME, YOU LAY IN THE BED, YOU'RE STILL 1395 01:00:15,178 --> 01:00:16,679 FALLING, FALLING. 1396 01:00:16,713 --> 01:00:19,782 IT'S JUST THIS HORRIBLE, EMPTY, DARK FEELING. 1397 01:00:21,484 --> 01:00:23,319 YOU KNOW WHAT BOMBING FEELS LIKE? 1398 01:00:23,353 --> 01:00:26,689 BOMBING FEELS LIKE YOUR DAD SLAPPING YOU 1399 01:00:26,723 --> 01:00:29,859 IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY AT A BARBEQUE. 1400 01:00:29,892 --> 01:00:32,028 AND THEN YOU GOTTA GO SIT DOWN 1401 01:00:32,061 --> 01:00:33,896 WITH YOUR FACE BURNING 1402 01:00:33,930 --> 01:00:35,898 AND YOUR EYE IS TEARING UP FOR NO REASON 1403 01:00:35,932 --> 01:00:38,835 AND PRETEND LIKE NOBODY SAW SHIT. 1404 01:00:40,770 --> 01:00:42,739 AND THE WHOLE TIME YOUR EATING LIKE THIS, 1405 01:00:42,772 --> 01:00:45,074 [SNIFFLING] 1406 01:00:45,108 --> 01:00:46,409 "HEY, MAN. 1407 01:00:46,442 --> 01:00:48,111 CAN YOU PASS THE, [SNIFFLES]... 1408 01:00:48,144 --> 01:00:51,447 CAN YOU PASS THE MASHED POTATOES PLEASE?" 1409 01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:53,983 LIKE, YOU EVER GOT BEAT BY YOUR DAD 1410 01:00:54,017 --> 01:00:55,985 AND A RELATIVE WAS WATCHING YOU 1411 01:00:56,019 --> 01:00:58,154 AND YOU'RE LIKE GETTING BEAT AND WATCH THEM LIKE THIS, 1412 01:00:58,187 --> 01:00:59,322 [SNIFFLES]... 1413 01:00:59,355 --> 01:01:01,024 BUT HE CAN'T HELP YOU? 1414 01:01:01,057 --> 01:01:03,192 THAT'S WHAT BOMBING FEELS LIKE, MAN. 1415 01:01:03,226 --> 01:01:06,062 YOU REALLY START LOOKIN' AT EVERYTHING 1416 01:01:06,095 --> 01:01:07,397 WHEN YOU GET BOOED OFF THE STAGE. 1417 01:01:07,430 --> 01:01:09,265 YOU COULD HAVE TEN FUCKIN' GOOD SHOWS, 1418 01:01:09,298 --> 01:01:11,267 BUT WHEN THEY BOO YOU OFF THE STAGE, 1419 01:01:11,300 --> 01:01:13,436 YOU START THINKIN' ABOUT 1420 01:01:13,469 --> 01:01:16,806 YOUR FUTURE, LIKE YOUR FINANCES. 1421 01:01:16,839 --> 01:01:19,308 A FUCKIN' BOO WOULD DO YOU LIKE THAT. 1422 01:01:19,342 --> 01:01:21,177 WHEN YOU GET BOOED OFF THE FUCKIN' STAGE, 1423 01:01:21,210 --> 01:01:23,346 AND YOU RUNNING STRAIGHT HOME AND START THINKIN' ABOUT, 1424 01:01:23,379 --> 01:01:25,882 "DAMN. 1425 01:01:25,915 --> 01:01:30,053 I MIGHT HAVE TO SEND THIS FUCKING FURNITURE SET BACK... 1426 01:01:30,086 --> 01:01:31,854 TO RENT-A-CENTER." 1427 01:01:34,223 --> 01:01:37,360 WE CAN LIVE IN A, ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN, 1428 01:01:37,393 --> 01:01:42,198 OR BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN TYPE MINDSET. 1429 01:01:42,231 --> 01:01:45,368 OH, WHAT I TRY TO DO IS, NOT NOTICE IT. 1430 01:01:45,401 --> 01:01:47,537 LIKE, YOU KNOW, IF YOU, IF YOU TELL A JOKE OR, 1431 01:01:47,570 --> 01:01:49,238 YOU KNOW ME, I LIVE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN IF-- 1432 01:01:49,272 --> 01:01:50,773 OH, I DIDN'T THINK THAT WENT RIGHT! 1433 01:01:50,807 --> 01:01:53,109 AHH! 1434 01:01:53,142 --> 01:01:54,977 AND SO IF, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, 1435 01:01:55,011 --> 01:01:57,847 IT USED TO JUST LITERALLY, I, IT WOULD KILL ME. 1436 01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:59,348 AND NOW I'M ABLE TO, UH, UH, 1437 01:01:59,382 --> 01:02:01,517 FLOAT THROUGH IT NOW BECAUSE, UH, I HAVE MONEY. 1438 01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:03,986 [CREW LAUGHING] 1439 01:02:04,020 --> 01:02:06,222 I GOT MONEY. I'M VERY FAMOUS. 1440 01:02:06,255 --> 01:02:08,558 FUCK IT. 1441 01:02:08,591 --> 01:02:10,927 UH, BUT YOU GOTTA CONCENTRATE ON, UH, 1442 01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:12,528 UH, UH, UH, OTHER THINGS. 1443 01:02:12,562 --> 01:02:15,398 AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT ROBIN WILLIAMS, GOD BLESS HIM, 1444 01:02:15,431 --> 01:02:18,101 WHEN YOU LOOK AT PEOPLE LIKE THAT WHO, 1445 01:02:18,134 --> 01:02:22,271 WE, WE, WE, WE LIVE FOR THE THIRST OF, LAUGH AT US. 1446 01:02:22,305 --> 01:02:24,440 YOU KNOW, WE NEED THAT. 1447 01:02:24,474 --> 01:02:26,442 THAT'S HOW WE EAT. 1448 01:02:26,476 --> 01:02:27,977 AND WHEN YOU TAKE THAT FROM US, 1449 01:02:28,010 --> 01:02:29,445 YOU KNOW, A LITTLE BIT OF US DIES. 1450 01:02:38,621 --> 01:02:42,191 [BOBBY] BOMBING IS A NECESSARY EVENT. 1451 01:02:42,225 --> 01:02:44,894 IT'S THE ONLY WAY ONE GETS BETTER. 1452 01:02:44,927 --> 01:02:47,797 BUT EVERY TIME IT HAPPENS, IT'S VERY PAINFUL. 1453 01:02:52,001 --> 01:02:54,904 [JOHN THOMSON] YOU'VE GOT TO DIE TO GET GOOD. 1454 01:02:57,473 --> 01:03:01,611 THE MORE PAIN THAT YOU GO THROUGH AS AN INDIVIDUAL, 1455 01:03:01,644 --> 01:03:03,346 ON THAT STAGE, 1456 01:03:03,379 --> 01:03:06,349 THE BETTER YOU WILL PROBABLY GET. 1457 01:03:06,382 --> 01:03:08,518 UM, I MEAN, 1458 01:03:08,551 --> 01:03:10,887 IF YOU ARE EXPERIENCING REGULAR PAIN 1459 01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:13,389 WITHOUT ANY KIND OF LAUGHTER, 1460 01:03:13,422 --> 01:03:15,091 I WOULD SAY RETIRE. 1461 01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:22,165 BOMBING IS THE HUMBLER, YOU KNOW? 1462 01:03:22,198 --> 01:03:24,033 JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT'S GOING GREAT AND THEN YOU START BOMBING 1463 01:03:24,066 --> 01:03:25,535 YOU'RE LIKE, "WAIT A MINUTE. 1464 01:03:25,568 --> 01:03:27,136 THIS IS NOT RIGHT. 1465 01:03:27,170 --> 01:03:30,106 I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT KILLING. I'M BOMBING." 1466 01:03:30,139 --> 01:03:31,607 AND THEN YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE 1467 01:03:31,641 --> 01:03:33,276 TO GET OUT OF THAT HOLE. I LIKE THAT. 1468 01:03:33,309 --> 01:03:35,978 IT GETS TO THE POINT LIKE DRIVING A CAR. 1469 01:03:36,012 --> 01:03:37,480 WHEN YOU LEARN TO DRIVE A CAR YOU THINK, 1470 01:03:37,513 --> 01:03:39,649 "WELL, I COULD HIT ANYTHING AT ANY POINT HERE. 1471 01:03:39,682 --> 01:03:41,284 I'M JUST LEARNING, AND I'VE JUST PASSED MY TEST." 1472 01:03:41,317 --> 01:03:43,019 [GROANING] 1473 01:03:43,052 --> 01:03:45,054 BUT THEN THERE COMES A POINT IN YOUR DRIVING CAREER 1474 01:03:45,087 --> 01:03:46,889 WHERE YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT THAT. 1475 01:03:46,923 --> 01:03:49,058 YOU DON'T THINK THAT ANYTHING DRASTIC 1476 01:03:49,091 --> 01:03:51,060 AND DAMAGING AND DREADFUL IS GONNA HAPPEN, 1477 01:03:51,093 --> 01:03:53,329 BECAUSE YOU, YOU KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF FUCK UP. 1478 01:03:55,064 --> 01:03:56,966 [CHRIS] WHEN YOU BOMB WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG 1479 01:03:56,999 --> 01:03:58,968 IT'S DEVASTATING 1480 01:03:59,001 --> 01:04:01,971 'CAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE THE SK-, THE NECESSARY SKILLS 1481 01:04:02,004 --> 01:04:03,973 TO KEEP IT GOING. 1482 01:04:04,006 --> 01:04:07,543 YOU COULD BOMB WHEN YOU'RE OLDER 1483 01:04:07,577 --> 01:04:10,413 AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU'RE BOMBING. 1484 01:04:10,446 --> 01:04:13,950 WHERE, ONLY YOU KNOW YOU'RE BOMBING, 1485 01:04:13,983 --> 01:04:15,284 'CAUSE YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL. 1486 01:04:15,318 --> 01:04:18,287 YOU USE EVERY TRICK OF THE TRADE. 1487 01:04:18,321 --> 01:04:20,456 I TOOK SO MANY, MAN. 1488 01:04:20,489 --> 01:04:21,991 SO MANY, LIKE, I'M, 1489 01:04:22,024 --> 01:04:23,993 I'M SO PREPARED FOR ANYTHING BAD. 1490 01:04:24,026 --> 01:04:26,662 THERE'S NOTHING BAD THAT CAN HAPPEN TO ME 1491 01:04:26,696 --> 01:04:28,331 THAT I'M NOT PREPARED FOR. 1492 01:04:28,364 --> 01:04:30,199 I'VE HAD TO MAKE A SEPARATION IN MY HEAD 1493 01:04:30,233 --> 01:04:33,202 BETWEEN ME, AND THE, THE, COMEDIAN STEWART LEE. 1494 01:04:33,236 --> 01:04:34,704 AND THE COMEDIAN STEWART LEE 1495 01:04:34,737 --> 01:04:36,706 THINKS HE'S REALLY BRILLIANT. 1496 01:04:36,739 --> 01:04:38,241 AND THAT, IF, 1497 01:04:38,274 --> 01:04:40,176 IF HE DOESN'T GO REALLY WELL, 1498 01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:43,346 IT IS THE FAULT OF PEOPLE FOR NOT APPRECIATING HIS GENIUS. 1499 01:04:43,379 --> 01:04:46,215 SO IF HE GOES TO SILENCE, 1500 01:04:46,249 --> 01:04:48,718 HE WALKS OFFSTAGE WITH HIS OWN SELF-BELIEF 1501 01:04:48,751 --> 01:04:50,553 ACTUALLY STRENGTHENED. 1502 01:04:50,586 --> 01:04:53,556 OBVIOUSLY ON SOME LEVEL, I DO THINK THAT AS WELL. 1503 01:04:53,589 --> 01:04:55,691 BUT I DON'T THINK IT AS MUCH AS HIM. 1504 01:04:55,725 --> 01:04:57,560 WHAT IT DOES MAKE YOU DO 1505 01:04:57,593 --> 01:04:59,729 IS TO LET YOU KNOW WHERE THE BOTTOM IS. 1506 01:04:59,762 --> 01:05:02,265 AND ONCE YOU KNOW WHERE THE BOTTOM IS, 1507 01:05:02,298 --> 01:05:04,367 THEN YOU CAN KNOW WHETHER YOU CAN TAKE IT OR NOT. 1508 01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:05,968 SO I TELL COMICS ALL THE TIME, 1509 01:05:06,002 --> 01:05:09,739 "YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN BE A COMIC, YET. 1510 01:05:09,772 --> 01:05:11,274 YOU'LL FIND OUT 1511 01:05:11,307 --> 01:05:14,443 AFTER YOU CATCH THE WORST BOO OF YOUR LIFE. 1512 01:05:14,477 --> 01:05:16,212 IF YOU CAN COME BACK FROM THAT, 1513 01:05:16,245 --> 01:05:18,114 THEN YOU'LL BE FINE. 1514 01:05:18,147 --> 01:05:20,449 IF YOU CAN'T COME BACK FROM THAT, IF THAT BOTHERS YOU, 1515 01:05:20,483 --> 01:05:22,318 IF YOU GOTTA TAKE A COUPLE WEEKS OFF, 1516 01:05:22,351 --> 01:05:24,186 YOU GOTTA, YOU GOTTA GO TO COUNSELING, 1517 01:05:24,220 --> 01:05:25,521 YOU GOTTA TALK TO SOMEBODY ABOUT IT. 1518 01:05:25,554 --> 01:05:27,223 YOU GOTTA, AH... 1519 01:05:27,256 --> 01:05:28,724 YOU'RE STRESSED OUT, YOU'RE SCRATCHIN' 1520 01:05:28,758 --> 01:05:31,427 AND YOU'RE RIPPING UP PAGES OUT YOUR JOKE BOOK, 1521 01:05:31,460 --> 01:05:33,763 YOU WON'T BE AROUND THAT LONG. 1522 01:05:33,796 --> 01:05:35,498 YOU CAN'T TAKE IT." 1523 01:05:35,531 --> 01:05:38,668 [BACKGROUND CHATTER] 1524 01:05:43,339 --> 01:05:45,074 [ROYALE] I GO DOWN INTO THE GREEN ROOM 1525 01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:48,077 AND THERE'S ANOTHER COMIC THERE AND HE SAID, 1526 01:05:48,110 --> 01:05:49,779 "WHEN YOU GO OUT THE NEXT SHOW," 1527 01:05:49,812 --> 01:05:52,148 HE SAID, "GO TO THE VERY FRONT OF THE STAGE" 1528 01:05:52,181 --> 01:05:54,517 AND HE SAID, "STAND ON THE FRONT OF THE STAGE 1529 01:05:54,550 --> 01:05:56,686 AND DO NOT MOVE 1530 01:05:56,719 --> 01:06:00,056 UNTIL YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL OF THIS AUDIENCE." 1531 01:06:00,089 --> 01:06:02,391 HE SAID, "IF ONE PERSON SAYS ANYTHING, 1532 01:06:02,425 --> 01:06:04,193 HE SAID, I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN SEE THEM OR NOT, 1533 01:06:04,226 --> 01:06:05,594 WHETHER IT'S A GIRL, BOY, 1534 01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:07,296 YOU MAKE IT WHO YOU NEED IT TO BE, 1535 01:06:07,330 --> 01:06:10,633 AND YOU TALK ABOUT THEM SO MUCH UNTIL THEY MOTHER DIES. 1536 01:06:10,666 --> 01:06:12,168 AND HE SAID, "IN THAT WAY, 1537 01:06:12,201 --> 01:06:13,502 THE REST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM 1538 01:06:13,536 --> 01:06:16,038 WILL KNOW NOT TO FUCK WITH YOU." 1539 01:06:16,072 --> 01:06:18,040 AND IT WAS PROBABLY 1540 01:06:18,074 --> 01:06:21,210 ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSONS I'VE LEARNED 1541 01:06:21,243 --> 01:06:22,411 DOING STAND UP. 1542 01:06:22,445 --> 01:06:24,747 "WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SIR?" 1543 01:06:24,780 --> 01:06:27,383 -"LEROY?" -[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE] 1544 01:06:32,388 --> 01:06:35,124 THE SECOND SHOW I HAD A GREAT TIME. 1545 01:06:35,157 --> 01:06:36,459 NO MICHAEL JORDAN THOUGH. 1546 01:06:36,492 --> 01:06:37,727 HE LEFT. 1547 01:06:45,234 --> 01:06:47,069 [GARY] THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS TELL SOMEBODY 1548 01:06:47,103 --> 01:06:49,338 WHO WANTS TO GET INTO STAND UP. 1549 01:06:49,372 --> 01:06:51,674 IT'S REALLY GOTTA BE A CALLING. 1550 01:06:51,707 --> 01:06:55,378 IT'S REALLY... NOT WORTH IT 1551 01:06:55,411 --> 01:06:57,713 IF IT ISN'T A CALLING. 1552 01:06:57,747 --> 01:07:01,083 IT IS TOO PAINFUL AND TOO DIFFICULT 1553 01:07:01,117 --> 01:07:02,718 IF IT ISN'T A CALLING. 1554 01:07:02,752 --> 01:07:08,257 WE ALL HAVE OUR DARK PARTS OF OUR LIVES. 1555 01:07:08,290 --> 01:07:11,127 WHETHER YOU POOR, WHETHER YOU HAVE SOMETHING. 1556 01:07:11,160 --> 01:07:13,629 EVERYBODY HAS SOMETHING TO DRAW FROM 1557 01:07:13,662 --> 01:07:16,165 THAT IS PAIN IN THEY LIFE 1558 01:07:16,198 --> 01:07:17,400 THAT MAKES 'EM FUNNY. 1559 01:07:27,443 --> 01:07:29,879 [TIFFANY] RIGHT WHEN I, USUALLY WHEN I PULL UP TO THE PLACE, 1560 01:07:29,912 --> 01:07:32,882 I JUST LOOK AT IT AND I VISUALISE 1561 01:07:32,915 --> 01:07:34,884 EVERYONE INSIDE LAUGHING, 1562 01:07:34,917 --> 01:07:37,253 AND THEN I GO, THEN I LAUGH A LITTLE BIT... 1563 01:07:37,286 --> 01:07:38,521 [LAUGHS TO SELF] 1564 01:07:42,458 --> 01:07:45,127 AND I GO, "I AM FUNNY. I AM HILARIOUS. 1565 01:07:45,161 --> 01:07:47,296 I'M TALENTED. I'M SPECIAL. 1566 01:07:47,329 --> 01:07:49,298 AND IF NOBODY ELSE NOTICES IT, 1567 01:07:49,331 --> 01:07:51,300 THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE SLOW. 1568 01:07:51,333 --> 01:07:52,835 SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THEM." 1569 01:07:54,637 --> 01:07:56,439 FOR ME IT'S, EVERY TIME I GET ONSTAGE, 1570 01:07:56,472 --> 01:07:58,274 IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE. 1571 01:07:58,307 --> 01:08:00,509 BECAUSE I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I COULD, 1572 01:08:00,543 --> 01:08:02,878 THIS COULD HAPPEN FOR ME. 1573 01:08:05,648 --> 01:08:07,483 I MEAN, I'M TELLING YOU, WHEN I WAS 13 YEARS OLD, 1574 01:08:07,516 --> 01:08:10,252 I KNEW I WAS GOING TO JAIL. 1575 01:08:10,286 --> 01:08:11,720 I KNEW I WAS GONNA GO TO JAIL, 1576 01:08:11,754 --> 01:08:13,889 AND I KNEW I WAS GONNA BE SOMEBODY'S BABY MAMA. 1577 01:08:13,923 --> 01:08:15,424 'CAUSE THAT WAS MY REALITY. 1578 01:08:15,458 --> 01:08:17,259 THAT'S WHAT I SAW AROUND ME. 1579 01:08:18,694 --> 01:08:20,296 I WAS GETTING IN TROUBLE EVERY DAY AT SCHOOL 1580 01:08:20,329 --> 01:08:22,465 AND MY SOCIAL WORKER WAS LIKE, "LOOK, TIFFANY. 1581 01:08:22,498 --> 01:08:24,333 YOU GOT TWO CHOICES, 1582 01:08:24,366 --> 01:08:26,202 YOU CAN EITHER GO TO THE LAUGH FACTORY COMEDY CAMP 1583 01:08:26,235 --> 01:08:27,870 OR YOU CAN GO TO PSYCHIATRIC THERAPY. 1584 01:08:27,903 --> 01:08:29,705 WHICH ONE DO YOU WANNA DO?" 1585 01:08:29,738 --> 01:08:31,407 I SAID, "WELL, I'LL GO TO THE COMEDY CAMP." 1586 01:08:31,440 --> 01:08:32,641 AND IT CHANGED MY LIFE. 1587 01:08:35,811 --> 01:08:37,346 WHEN YOU'RE IN FOSTER CARE 1588 01:08:37,379 --> 01:08:39,515 AND YOU'RE BEING MOVED FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE, 1589 01:08:39,548 --> 01:08:41,383 WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE, 1590 01:08:41,417 --> 01:08:42,885 MY MAMA DON'T LOVE ME. 1591 01:08:42,918 --> 01:08:44,887 SHE JUST CARE ABOUT HERSELF. 1592 01:08:44,920 --> 01:08:47,323 YOU KNOW, MY DAD, HE'S RUNNIN' FROM THE LAW. 1593 01:08:47,356 --> 01:08:48,657 HE DON'T CARE ABOUT ME. 1594 01:08:48,691 --> 01:08:50,659 MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS HATE ME. 1595 01:08:50,693 --> 01:08:53,195 YOU KNOW, MY STEP-DAD THINKS I'M STUPID AND DUMB. 1596 01:08:53,229 --> 01:08:54,697 NOBODY LOVES ME. 1597 01:08:54,730 --> 01:08:56,565 AND THEN YOU GET TO BE A PART OF SOMETHING. 1598 01:08:56,599 --> 01:08:59,568 LIKE, AND IT'S PEOPLE, 1599 01:08:59,602 --> 01:09:01,770 IT'S PEOPLE THERE, THOSE MEN THERE, 1600 01:09:01,804 --> 01:09:05,241 I DON'T EVEN THINK THEY REALISE 1601 01:09:05,274 --> 01:09:08,477 HOW THEY ENCOURAGED ME AND HELPED ME SO MUCH. 1602 01:09:08,511 --> 01:09:11,347 'CAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MEN IN MY LIFE SAY, 1603 01:09:11,380 --> 01:09:13,349 "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU'RE TALENTED. 1604 01:09:13,382 --> 01:09:15,351 YOU'RE FUNNY. YOU'RE SMART. 1605 01:09:15,384 --> 01:09:16,685 YOU CAN DO ANYTHING." 1606 01:09:16,719 --> 01:09:19,855 LIKE THAT, THOSE EIGHT WEEKS, 1607 01:09:19,889 --> 01:09:22,558 WERE THE MOST AMAZING EIGHT WEEKS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. 1608 01:09:22,591 --> 01:09:25,728 THAT WAS WHERE THE FOUNDATION 1609 01:09:25,761 --> 01:09:27,429 FOR WHO I AM TODAY. 1610 01:09:27,463 --> 01:09:29,298 YOU KNOW, LIKE, AND IT, AND IT... 1611 01:09:29,331 --> 01:09:30,799 UGH! [SNIFFLES] 1612 01:09:30,833 --> 01:09:32,701 YEAH. 1613 01:09:32,735 --> 01:09:36,539 [BACKGROUND CHATTER, PEOPLE CLAPPING] 1614 01:09:36,572 --> 01:09:39,475 [KEENEN] COMEDIANS ARE DAMAGED PEOPLE. 1615 01:09:39,508 --> 01:09:41,810 THEY'VE, UH, GONE THROUGH A LOT 1616 01:09:41,844 --> 01:09:44,680 OF PAINFUL EXPERIENCES IN THEIR LIFE. 1617 01:09:44,713 --> 01:09:47,383 AND THEY'RE VERY VULNERABLE PEOPLE. 1618 01:09:47,416 --> 01:09:50,386 THE SHIELD IS, "HA HA HA! I CAN LAUGH AT THIS." 1619 01:09:50,419 --> 01:09:52,721 BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE PAIN. 1620 01:09:52,755 --> 01:09:55,891 SO WHEN THESE GUYS GO BACK TO THEIR LIFE, 1621 01:09:55,925 --> 01:09:57,993 THAT PAIN IS STILL THERE. 1622 01:09:58,027 --> 01:10:00,529 LIKE IF I MAKE IT THROUGH LIKE A COUPLE OF STEPS IN THE DAY 1623 01:10:00,563 --> 01:10:02,031 I'M LIKE, FUCK YEAH. 1624 01:10:02,064 --> 01:10:03,499 YOU KNOW, BASIC ASS SHIT. 1625 01:10:03,532 --> 01:10:04,733 LIKE, IF I MAKE IT OUTTA THE DOOR 1626 01:10:04,767 --> 01:10:07,436 BY 11:30A.M., DUDE, COME ON, MAN, 1627 01:10:07,469 --> 01:10:08,938 IT MUST BE CHRISTMAS, SON. 1628 01:10:08,971 --> 01:10:10,639 [CREW LAUGHING] 1629 01:10:10,673 --> 01:10:12,374 BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCK UP. 1630 01:10:12,408 --> 01:10:13,876 WHAT WEIRDO WOULD SAY, 1631 01:10:13,909 --> 01:10:17,413 I NEED TO STAND IN FRONT OF 2- 3- 400 PEOPLE A NIGHT 1632 01:10:17,446 --> 01:10:19,281 AND GET THEM TO LAUGH AT ME SO I CAN EVEN FEEL LIKE 1633 01:10:19,315 --> 01:10:22,618 A REGULAR PERSON ENOUGH, SO I CAN GO TO BED? 1634 01:10:22,651 --> 01:10:24,620 EVERYBODY ELSE JUST WATCHES A LITTLE BIT OF "MODERN FAMILY" 1635 01:10:24,653 --> 01:10:26,322 AND THAT'S A WRAP. 1636 01:10:26,355 --> 01:10:27,923 WE'RE DOIN' ALL THIS BULLSHIT. 1637 01:10:27,957 --> 01:10:30,459 I HAVE DO DRIVE SOMEWHERE TO GET APPROVAL FROM PEOPLE 1638 01:10:30,492 --> 01:10:31,961 I DON'T EVEN FUCKIN' KNOW. 1639 01:10:31,994 --> 01:10:33,462 AND THEN LEAVE. 1640 01:10:33,495 --> 01:10:36,465 DUDE, I WANNA, CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU? 1641 01:10:36,498 --> 01:10:39,468 I DON'T BOMB A LOT. I BOMB VERY RARELY. 1642 01:10:39,501 --> 01:10:41,470 I BOMB IN LIFE. 1643 01:10:41,503 --> 01:10:43,472 I BOMB IN FUCKING LIFE. 1644 01:10:43,505 --> 01:10:45,341 I'M, RIGHT NOW, I'M BOMBING. 1645 01:10:45,374 --> 01:10:47,509 RIGHT NOW, UH, UH, UH, 1646 01:10:47,543 --> 01:10:51,347 I GO, I GO ONSTAGE, PEOPLE LAUGH HEARTILY. 1647 01:10:51,380 --> 01:10:53,382 THEY, THEY SAY THAT, YOU KNOW, 1648 01:10:53,415 --> 01:10:55,718 THERE'S, THERE'S SOMETHING BEHIND YOUR JOKES. THERE'S SUBSTANCE. 1649 01:10:55,751 --> 01:10:57,586 AND THEN I, SOMETIMES I GOTTA ASK FOR A SWIPE 1650 01:10:57,620 --> 01:11:01,757 TO GET ON THE SUBWAY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE $2.50. 1651 01:11:01,790 --> 01:11:03,626 SO... 1652 01:11:03,659 --> 01:11:05,561 I... 1653 01:11:06,662 --> 01:11:08,330 I SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION. 1654 01:11:08,364 --> 01:11:11,033 I, I DON'T, UM... 1655 01:11:11,066 --> 01:11:13,569 I, I, I, YOU KNOW... 1656 01:11:13,602 --> 01:11:16,438 I'VE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERAL DIFFERENT TYPES OF DEPRESSION. 1657 01:11:16,472 --> 01:11:18,440 I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONES TO BELIEVE. 1658 01:11:18,474 --> 01:11:20,442 UM, BUT, 1659 01:11:20,476 --> 01:11:22,611 NO, I, I DEFINITELY HAVE DEPRESSION. 1660 01:11:22,645 --> 01:11:24,480 BUT I'VE HAD, I HAD THAT BEFORE I WAS A COMEDIAN. 1661 01:11:24,513 --> 01:11:26,815 I DON'T THINK COMEDY EVER CAUSED THAT IN MY LIFE. 1662 01:11:26,849 --> 01:11:28,350 AND I ALSO, I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE 1663 01:11:28,384 --> 01:11:29,852 WHO DON'T SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION AT ALL. 1664 01:11:29,885 --> 01:11:32,388 IT'S JUST, I BELIEVE THAT MAYBE 1665 01:11:32,421 --> 01:11:33,989 COMEDY GETS LABELLED WITH THE, 1666 01:11:34,023 --> 01:11:35,858 WE'RE ALL MANIC DEPRESSIVES 1667 01:11:35,891 --> 01:11:38,861 BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY OCCUPATION 1668 01:11:38,894 --> 01:11:40,729 WHERE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT 1669 01:11:40,763 --> 01:11:42,998 BEING A MANIC DEPRESSIVE. 1670 01:11:43,032 --> 01:11:44,533 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 1671 01:11:44,566 --> 01:11:49,538 ANY GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT THINK FOR A LIVING 1672 01:11:49,571 --> 01:11:51,874 IS GONNA BE SAD. 1673 01:11:51,907 --> 01:11:54,410 YOU KNOW, WE ALWAYS SAY, "IGNORANCE IS BLISS." 1674 01:11:54,443 --> 01:11:56,945 RIGHT? SO WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE? 1675 01:11:59,181 --> 01:12:00,683 YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T BE, 1676 01:12:00,716 --> 01:12:02,851 THERE'S NO GREAT IGNORANT COMEDIANS. 1677 01:12:02,885 --> 01:12:05,721 YOU GOTTA BE AWARE OF EVERYTHING. 1678 01:12:05,754 --> 01:12:08,891 SO KNOWING, YOU CAN KNOW TOO MUCH. 1679 01:12:08,924 --> 01:12:10,759 BUT, UH, I MEAN MANIC DEPRESSIVE? 1680 01:12:10,793 --> 01:12:15,097 NAH, BUT DEFINITELY NOT AS HAPPY AS THE AVERAGE IDIOT. 1681 01:12:15,130 --> 01:12:17,599 -YEAH. -[CREW LAUGHING] 1682 01:12:17,633 --> 01:12:19,935 I USE COMEDY, 1683 01:12:19,968 --> 01:12:21,937 I SUPPOSE A LOT OF PEOPLE DO, TO, TO MITIGATE PAIN. 1684 01:12:21,970 --> 01:12:24,440 THEY'RE THINKIN', IT, THAT'S WHY PEOPLE WHO COME FROM 1685 01:12:24,473 --> 01:12:25,941 UH, SAY, DYSFUNCTIONAL BACKGROUNDS, 1686 01:12:25,974 --> 01:12:27,643 ARE BETTER AT COMEDY, YOU KNOW? 1687 01:12:27,676 --> 01:12:31,513 I THINK WELL ADJUSTED, YOU KNOW, UH... 1688 01:12:31,547 --> 01:12:33,916 I DON'T KNOW MANY WELL ADJUSTED SPIRITUAL PEOPLE 1689 01:12:33,949 --> 01:12:35,584 WHO ARE FUNNY. 1690 01:12:35,617 --> 01:12:38,754 IT WOULD BE VERY RARE TO FIND A GOOD COMIC 1691 01:12:38,787 --> 01:12:40,756 WHO HAD NOT FELT 1692 01:12:40,789 --> 01:12:44,760 DISENFRANCHISED FROM SOMETHING OR DISCONNECTED 1693 01:12:44,793 --> 01:12:46,695 THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU ARE LOOKING, 1694 01:12:46,729 --> 01:12:48,464 YOU'RE LOOKING AT A GROUP, 1695 01:12:48,497 --> 01:12:50,132 YOU'RE LOOKING AT A WORLD AND YOU'RE NOT PART OF IT. 1696 01:12:50,165 --> 01:12:52,501 YOU'RE LOOKING THROUGH THE WINDOW. 1697 01:12:52,534 --> 01:12:54,002 AND THAT'S WHY, I THINK, 1698 01:12:54,036 --> 01:12:57,172 THERE'S A, THERE'S SOME QUITE BLAND COMICS AROUND 1699 01:12:57,206 --> 01:12:59,041 WHO FEEL LIKE THEY'RE IN THE GROUP, 1700 01:12:59,074 --> 01:13:00,676 THEY FEEL LIKE THEY'RE IN A GOLF CLUB. 1701 01:13:00,709 --> 01:13:01,977 WHEREAS AT THE ONES I REALLY LIKE 1702 01:13:02,010 --> 01:13:03,846 ARE JUST A LITTLE BIT ODD. 1703 01:13:03,879 --> 01:13:06,982 I THINK WE ARE, WE ARE THE ODD PEOPLE AND THAT'S HOW WE FIT IN. 1704 01:13:07,015 --> 01:13:09,451 BY SHOWING OUR ODDNESS. 1705 01:13:17,593 --> 01:13:19,228 SEE THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH ME. 1706 01:13:19,261 --> 01:13:21,196 I DIDN'T GROW UP ONE OF THEM NIGGERS WHO WERE, 1707 01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:23,732 WE DIDN'T HAVE, WE WAS EATEN SHOES AND SHIT, 1708 01:13:23,766 --> 01:13:26,535 AND MY DADDY KICKED US OUT. 1709 01:13:26,568 --> 01:13:29,204 I WAS LIKE, WE WAS BORN IN MISSISSIPPI. 1710 01:13:29,238 --> 01:13:32,741 I WAS A SPOILED FAT KID FROM SAN DIEGO, YOU KNOW? 1711 01:13:32,775 --> 01:13:36,545 SO I WAS JUST, I DIDN'T HAVE A BAD LIFE. 1712 01:13:36,578 --> 01:13:38,747 I WAS THE BAD PART OF THE LIFE. 1713 01:13:38,781 --> 01:13:40,983 I WAS JUST LIKE, HERE THIS NIGGER COME. 1714 01:13:41,016 --> 01:13:42,851 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'? 1715 01:13:42,885 --> 01:13:45,654 I MEAN, I DIDN'T HAVE, I HAD A GREAT, 1716 01:13:45,687 --> 01:13:48,657 YOU KNOW, MY FATHER DROVE A JAGUAR IN '76. 1717 01:13:48,690 --> 01:13:51,160 SO, HE WAS SELLING COCAINE, 1718 01:13:51,193 --> 01:13:55,531 BUT, WE HAD A GREAT LIFE. 1719 01:13:55,564 --> 01:13:58,700 COMEDY IS PROBABLY THE REASON WHY I'M NOT CRAZY. 1720 01:13:58,734 --> 01:14:00,035 LIKE THEY SAY MOST COMEDIANS ARE CRAZY. 1721 01:14:00,068 --> 01:14:03,205 I CAN SAY ON PAPER, "I'M NOT CRAZY." 1722 01:14:03,238 --> 01:14:04,740 AND I, LIKE I'VE REALLY, 1723 01:14:04,773 --> 01:14:06,508 I LAUGH AT THE FACT THAT I CAN SAY THAT. 1724 01:14:06,542 --> 01:14:07,843 BECAUSE AS COMEDIANS, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE. 1725 01:14:07,876 --> 01:14:09,211 WE SHOULD BE. 1726 01:14:09,244 --> 01:14:11,246 WHEN WE'RE ONSTAGE, WE TALK TO OURSELVES. 1727 01:14:11,280 --> 01:14:13,081 WE LOOK AROUND AS IF OTHER PEOPLE ARE THERE WHEN WE'RE TALKIN'. 1728 01:14:13,115 --> 01:14:14,817 WE RESPOND TO WHAT WE JUST SAID. 1729 01:14:14,850 --> 01:14:17,119 IT CREATES A WORLD FOR US THAT'S A, 1730 01:14:17,152 --> 01:14:19,288 IT'S A SAFE HAVEN ONSTAGE. 1731 01:14:19,321 --> 01:14:21,156 AND NO MATTER WHAT WE'RE DOING, 1732 01:14:21,190 --> 01:14:22,691 NO MATTER WHAT WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT 1733 01:14:22,724 --> 01:14:25,160 IT'S OKAY AT THAT MOMENT. 1734 01:14:25,194 --> 01:14:26,862 I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE, 1735 01:14:26,895 --> 01:14:29,031 BECAUSE STAND UP HAS BEEN A PART OF MY LIFE 1736 01:14:29,064 --> 01:14:31,567 FOR, LIKE, 18 YEARS, PERFORMING. 1737 01:14:31,600 --> 01:14:35,070 AND IT'S THE NUMBER ONE THING IN MY LIFE. 1738 01:14:35,103 --> 01:14:36,772 THE REASON WHY I'VE NEVER HAD KIDS 1739 01:14:36,805 --> 01:14:39,641 AND I NEVER HAD A WIFE WAS BECAUSE OF STAND UP. 1740 01:14:39,675 --> 01:14:41,143 YOU KNOW, BECAUSE, 1741 01:14:41,176 --> 01:14:42,845 I MEAN, I LOVE THE GIRLFRIEND I HAVE NOW 1742 01:14:42,878 --> 01:14:44,847 AND SHE IS WONDERFUL, SHE REALLY IS, 1743 01:14:44,880 --> 01:14:46,281 I LOVE HER. 1744 01:14:46,315 --> 01:14:47,816 BUT THE KIND OF LOVE I HAVE FOR STAND UP 1745 01:14:47,850 --> 01:14:49,818 IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW? 1746 01:14:49,852 --> 01:14:51,687 AND I DON'T THINK ANY HUMAN BEING 1747 01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:53,856 CAN REPLACE THAT LOVE. 1748 01:14:53,889 --> 01:14:55,891 AND I'LL DO IT TO THE END OF TIME. 1749 01:14:55,924 --> 01:14:57,226 IT'S KIND OF LIKE, 1750 01:14:57,259 --> 01:14:59,094 I FEEL LIKE THERE'S SO MANY THINGS 1751 01:14:59,127 --> 01:15:01,997 THAT ARE JUST LIKE A WAY YOU CHOOSE 1752 01:15:02,030 --> 01:15:03,966 TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. 1753 01:15:03,999 --> 01:15:06,835 IT'S LIKE, ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA CHOOSE TO KEEP DOING THIS. 1754 01:15:06,869 --> 01:15:10,172 AND IT'S DEFINITELY NOT LIKE A GREAT WAY 1755 01:15:10,205 --> 01:15:13,041 TO INVEST IN YOUR ROMANTIC LIFE, 1756 01:15:13,075 --> 01:15:14,910 THIS CAREER PATH. 1757 01:15:14,943 --> 01:15:17,779 BUT I FEEL LIKE 1758 01:15:17,813 --> 01:15:22,084 IF YOU HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO, TO DO THIS, 1759 01:15:22,117 --> 01:15:24,319 YOU GOTTA DO IT. 1760 01:15:24,353 --> 01:15:25,854 I LOVE MY FAMILY. 1761 01:15:25,888 --> 01:15:28,724 I LOVE MY WIFE. I LOVE MY CHILDREN. 1762 01:15:28,757 --> 01:15:29,892 BUT THIS... 1763 01:15:29,925 --> 01:15:31,226 [LAUGHS] 1764 01:15:31,260 --> 01:15:34,096 THIS, IT IS A... 1765 01:15:34,129 --> 01:15:36,965 I, THE, THE, THE, THE LAST CHRISTMAS 1766 01:15:36,999 --> 01:15:39,968 MY CHILDREN MADE THIS, UH, COLLAGE OF, 1767 01:15:40,002 --> 01:15:42,137 OF, FOR CHRISTMAS AND IT HAD, 1768 01:15:42,170 --> 01:15:44,239 IT WAS FOR ME, AND IT WAS A TAPE. 1769 01:15:44,273 --> 01:15:47,609 IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE, UH, SCENES 1770 01:15:47,643 --> 01:15:49,778 I WAS ALMOST NOT IN. 1771 01:15:49,811 --> 01:15:52,114 FROM THE TIME THEY WERE VERY LITTLE, 1772 01:15:52,147 --> 01:15:55,284 TO GOIN' OFF TO COLLEGE, TO COMIN' HOME. 1773 01:15:55,317 --> 01:15:57,286 AND I SHOULD'VE BEEN SAD. 1774 01:15:57,319 --> 01:15:59,321 BUT I KNEW I WAS GONE DOIN' SOMETHING THAT I LOVED, 1775 01:15:59,354 --> 01:16:01,323 AND I WAS OKAY. 1776 01:16:01,356 --> 01:16:04,960 AND, AND I, AND I FELT... 1777 01:16:04,993 --> 01:16:08,730 HORRIBLE THAT I FELT 1778 01:16:08,764 --> 01:16:10,933 THAT I'D DONE THE RIGHT THING. 1779 01:16:10,966 --> 01:16:12,935 WHEN YOU HAVE A JOB 1780 01:16:12,968 --> 01:16:15,203 THAT'S FUN, THAT'S YOUR DREAM JOB, 1781 01:16:15,237 --> 01:16:17,372 AND THEN YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN THEIR LIFE 1782 01:16:17,406 --> 01:16:18,907 WHO ISN'T DOING THEIR DREAM JOB, 1783 01:16:18,941 --> 01:16:20,776 WHICH IS 99 PERCENT OF THE POPULATION. 1784 01:16:20,809 --> 01:16:23,111 99 PERCENT OF THE WORLD GO TO WORK AND THEY DO IT, 1785 01:16:23,145 --> 01:16:25,113 IT'S, IT'S NOT CALLED PLAY, IT'S CALLED WORK, 1786 01:16:25,147 --> 01:16:26,648 AND YOU GO THERE TO EARN MONEY. 1787 01:16:26,682 --> 01:16:28,150 AND THE PEOPLE PAY YOU JUST ENOUGH 1788 01:16:28,183 --> 01:16:30,018 SO YOU KEEP ON COMING BACK. 1789 01:16:30,052 --> 01:16:32,020 AND THAT'S THE LEVEL OF PAY THAT PEOPLE ARE PAID. 1790 01:16:32,054 --> 01:16:33,722 ENOUGH THAT YOU'LL COME BACK. 1791 01:16:33,755 --> 01:16:35,057 RIGHT? 1792 01:16:35,090 --> 01:16:37,192 AND WHEN YOU GOT SOMEONE WHO'S IN A JOB LIKE THAT 1793 01:16:37,225 --> 01:16:40,729 AND YOU'RE IN A JOB WHERE YOU LOVE IT, 1794 01:16:40,762 --> 01:16:43,231 RESENTMENT DOES SET IN, I FIND. 1795 01:16:43,265 --> 01:16:45,767 THAT AND THE CHEATING. 1796 01:16:45,801 --> 01:16:47,970 [CREW LAUGHING] 1797 01:16:49,838 --> 01:16:51,807 I HAVE TREATED STAND UP 1798 01:16:51,840 --> 01:16:54,242 WITH A, WITH A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF INGRATITUDE 1799 01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:56,244 CONSIDERING WHAT IT GAVE ME. 1800 01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:59,781 'CAUSE IT, IT CHANGED MY LIFE COMPLETELY. 1801 01:16:59,815 --> 01:17:02,451 I WAS, I WAS, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST A DRIFTER. 1802 01:17:02,484 --> 01:17:04,386 I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS GONNA DO FOR A LIVING. 1803 01:17:04,419 --> 01:17:08,323 AND, AND I WAS LIVIN' IN A, YOU KNOW, A BEDSIT. 1804 01:17:08,357 --> 01:17:10,892 AND STAND UP CHANGED EVERYTHING FOR ME. 1805 01:17:10,926 --> 01:17:13,895 AND I REALLY BELIEVE IN IT. 1806 01:17:13,929 --> 01:17:15,397 I BELIEVE THAT IT, YOU KNOW, 1807 01:17:15,430 --> 01:17:16,932 IT NEEDS TO BE DONE PROPERLY 1808 01:17:16,965 --> 01:17:19,735 AND TO BE DONE WITH PROPER RESPECT. 1809 01:17:19,768 --> 01:17:22,404 FOR THE, FOR THE BEST, I THINK FOR THE BEST STAND UPS 1810 01:17:22,437 --> 01:17:26,274 WHAT'S GREAT IS WHEN IT'S, UM, ABOUT SOMETHING. 1811 01:17:26,308 --> 01:17:30,145 WHEN COMEDY IS USED TO SHED SOME LIGHT 1812 01:17:30,178 --> 01:17:32,481 ON THE HUMAN CONDITION AND, UH, 1813 01:17:32,514 --> 01:17:34,249 REVEAL SOMETHING TRUTHFUL. 1814 01:17:34,282 --> 01:17:36,418 COMEDIAN'S JOB IS TO SAY THE THINGS 1815 01:17:36,451 --> 01:17:38,420 THAT EVERYBODY'S AFRAID TO SAY. 1816 01:17:38,453 --> 01:17:43,291 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE, YOU'RE, YOU ARE EVERYBODY'S INNER THOUGHTS. 1817 01:17:43,325 --> 01:17:45,827 YOU ARE THEIR S-, YOU ARE THEIR CONSCIENCE. 1818 01:17:45,861 --> 01:17:48,163 YOU KNOW, SO WHATEVER YOU'RE AFRAID TO SAY, 1819 01:17:48,196 --> 01:17:49,865 WE'RE, OUR JOB IS TO SAY IT. 1820 01:17:49,898 --> 01:17:51,733 I THINK COMEDY, TO AN EXTENT, 1821 01:17:51,767 --> 01:17:54,136 I HATE TO SAY IT'S INNOCENT, BUT TO AN EXTENT 1822 01:17:54,169 --> 01:17:55,837 IT'S A SPACE THAT PEOPLE CREATED TO GO, 1823 01:17:55,871 --> 01:17:57,339 "WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE TOOK THE RULES AWAY?" 1824 01:17:57,372 --> 01:17:59,041 AND NOW WE'RE IN A POSITION WHERE, 1825 01:17:59,074 --> 01:18:01,209 "SHOULDN'T WE HAVE SOME RULES OVER THERE?" 1826 01:18:01,243 --> 01:18:04,079 YOU'RE LIKE, "WELL, NO, THIS IS A SPACE WHERE THERE'S NO RULES." 1827 01:18:04,112 --> 01:18:06,314 UM, BUT ALSO, IT'S JUST A WAY OF LOOKIN' AT IT. 1828 01:18:06,348 --> 01:18:08,917 MAYBE YOU'RE CONDITIONED INTO A WAY OF LOOKIN' AT THE WORLD. 1829 01:18:08,950 --> 01:18:11,253 SO I SEE EVERYTHING AS JOKES. 1830 01:18:11,286 --> 01:18:12,888 I SEE EVERYTHING AS COMEDY. 1831 01:18:12,921 --> 01:18:15,357 I MEAN, IF YOU, IF YOU SAY YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT, 1832 01:18:15,390 --> 01:18:16,858 THAT'S FINE. 1833 01:18:16,892 --> 01:18:19,361 IF YOU SAY YOU DON'T WANT ME TO SEE IT, 1834 01:18:19,394 --> 01:18:20,896 YOU KNOW THAT'S, 1835 01:18:20,929 --> 01:18:22,230 I WAS GONNA SAY, "THAT'S OBSCENE," 1836 01:18:22,264 --> 01:18:24,866 BUT THAT'S ACTUALLY FUNNY AS WELL. 1837 01:18:24,900 --> 01:18:26,201 I DON'T KNOW. THIS MAY SOUND, 1838 01:18:26,234 --> 01:18:27,536 THIS IS THE DANGER OF IT. 1839 01:18:27,569 --> 01:18:28,970 THIS IS THE DANGER OF TALKING ABOUT IT. 1840 01:18:29,004 --> 01:18:30,405 'CAUSE YOU SOUND LIKE A WANKER. 1841 01:18:30,439 --> 01:18:32,907 BUT, UM, THERE'S A CONGREGATIONAL ELEMENT, 1842 01:18:32,908 --> 01:18:35,377 THERE'S AN ELEMENT OF PEOPLE NEEDING TO GO, TO SEE SOMEONE 1843 01:18:35,444 --> 01:18:37,913 TO EITHER EXPLAIN THE WORLD TO THEM OR TALK ABOUT THE WORLD 1844 01:18:38,246 --> 01:18:42,084 OR, OR, SEE IF SOME OF THEIR EXPERIENCES ARE REFLECTED THERE 1845 01:18:42,117 --> 01:18:43,785 AND, THEY'RE, THEY'RE, THEY'RE IN TOUCH WITH THAT. 1846 01:18:43,819 --> 01:18:46,221 I THINK PEOPLE ENJOY IT FROM THAT PERSPECTIVE AS WELL. 1847 01:18:46,254 --> 01:18:48,857 YOU COULD HAVE A CROWD OF PEOPLE 1848 01:18:48,890 --> 01:18:50,525 UH, A HUGE CROWD OF PEOPLE 1849 01:18:50,559 --> 01:18:55,063 WHO ARE ALL DISPARATE POLITICALLY AND, UM, 1850 01:18:55,097 --> 01:18:57,399 IN TERMS OF THEIR TASTE AND THEIR CLASS. 1851 01:18:57,432 --> 01:18:59,034 UH, THEY'RE ALL FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS, 1852 01:18:59,067 --> 01:19:01,536 DIFFERENT, DIFFERENT PEOPLE, DIFFERENT OUT, OUTLOOKS ON LIFE, 1853 01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:05,006 BUT IF YOU MAKE THEM ALL LAUGH AT THE SAME TIME, 1854 01:19:05,040 --> 01:19:07,075 THEN SUDDENLY ALL THOSE PEOPLE, 1855 01:19:07,109 --> 01:19:09,578 ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE THEM DIFFERENT SORT OF VANISH. 1856 01:19:09,611 --> 01:19:11,113 AND, AND AT THAT ONE MOMENT OF LAUGHTER, 1857 01:19:11,146 --> 01:19:12,981 THEY'RE ALL UNITED. THEY ALL AGREE. 1858 01:19:13,014 --> 01:19:14,316 THEY'RE, IT'S 'CAUSE IF YOU ALL LAUGH, 1859 01:19:14,349 --> 01:19:16,184 YOU'RE ALL AGREEING ON ONE THING. 1860 01:19:16,218 --> 01:19:18,053 THAT THAT THING THAT JUST HAPPENED WAS FUNNY. 1861 01:19:18,086 --> 01:19:20,522 AND THAT'S REALLY INCREDIBLY POWERFUL THING. 1862 01:19:20,555 --> 01:19:24,493 THIS IS DRIVING 150 MILES AN HOUR IN YOUR CAR. 1863 01:19:24,526 --> 01:19:29,331 THIS IS BEING AT FULL TENSE, YOU KNOW, FULL FOCUS. 1864 01:19:29,364 --> 01:19:31,199 I'M A HUNDRED PERCENT IN, 1865 01:19:31,233 --> 01:19:33,068 I CAN'T MAKE ANY MISTAKES. 1866 01:19:33,101 --> 01:19:36,138 THE, THE, THE WHEEL IS SHAKING, BUT I GOT IT. 1867 01:19:36,171 --> 01:19:38,273 THAT'S WHAT STAND UP COMEDY IS. 1868 01:19:38,306 --> 01:19:41,343 YOU'RE RIGHT IN THIS POCKET, OH, SHIT, A TURN'S COMIN'. 1869 01:19:41,376 --> 01:19:43,845 HERE'S THE TURN. I GOTTA, I GOTTA HOLD THIS TURN DOWN. 1870 01:19:43,879 --> 01:19:47,015 AND THAT'S, AND, AND, AND, THAT IS A RUSH 1871 01:19:47,048 --> 01:19:49,050 THAT YOU CANNOT EXPLAIN, 1872 01:19:49,084 --> 01:19:51,052 YOU CAN'T PREPARE FOR. 1873 01:19:51,086 --> 01:19:54,389 YOU GET USED TO IT, BECAUSE YOU CAN EXPECT IT, 1874 01:19:54,422 --> 01:19:56,091 BUT IT'S STILL, LIKE, 1875 01:19:56,124 --> 01:19:58,960 IT'S A, IT'S A, IT'S A FEELIN' THAT YOU GET USED TO LIKE SEX. 1876 01:19:58,994 --> 01:20:01,296 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT SEX FEELS LIKE. 1877 01:20:01,329 --> 01:20:04,065 OKAY, BUT DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAD ENOUGH? 1878 01:20:04,099 --> 01:20:05,934 'COURSE NOT. 1879 01:20:05,967 --> 01:20:08,603 AND THAT'S THE FEELIN' THAT YOU GET WHEN YOU ONSTAGE. 1880 01:20:08,637 --> 01:20:10,472 IT'S JUST LIKE, WOW. THIS IS... 1881 01:20:10,505 --> 01:20:12,440 THIS IS SOME GOOD-ASS SEX. 1882 01:20:12,474 --> 01:20:15,977 IT'S KINDA CHANGED MY LIFE AND MY FAITH. 1883 01:20:16,011 --> 01:20:19,981 UH, BUT THE THING THAT IS REALLY AMAZING TO ME 1884 01:20:20,015 --> 01:20:22,651 IS THAT MOMENT WHERE YOU TAKE THE MIC OUT OF THE STAND. 1885 01:20:22,684 --> 01:20:25,287 WHEN I WALK OUT ANYWHERE, 1886 01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:28,523 AND I JUST DID A COUPLE GIGS LAST WEEK AND I REALLY LOVED THEM, 1887 01:20:28,557 --> 01:20:30,625 'CAUSE IT'S A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT AUDIENCE 1888 01:20:30,659 --> 01:20:32,460 AND IT'S, IT'S, IT'S A DATE. 1889 01:20:32,494 --> 01:20:35,030 I MEAN, IT'S A, IT'S A SPECIAL MOMENT TO ME. 1890 01:20:35,063 --> 01:20:36,498 EVERY SINGLE ONE OF 'EM. 1891 01:20:36,531 --> 01:20:42,037 BUT I'M TRYING TO GET THIS PERFECTLY SYMPHONIC, 1892 01:20:42,070 --> 01:20:46,374 UM, BLEND OF 1893 01:20:46,408 --> 01:20:48,376 WHAT I THINK, WHAT I SAY, 1894 01:20:48,410 --> 01:20:50,912 MY VOICE, MY BODY, MY FACE, THE WORDS, 1895 01:20:50,946 --> 01:20:55,917 GET IT ALL TO BLEND IN THIS PERFECT WAY 1896 01:20:55,951 --> 01:20:58,587 AND THEN THE BIT COMES OUT AND IT'S PERFECT. 1897 01:20:58,620 --> 01:21:01,122 AND, AND, AND YOU HEAR THAT, RIGHT AWAY, 1898 01:21:01,156 --> 01:21:03,525 THAT IT'S, YES, THEY WILL SAY RIGHT AWAY, 1899 01:21:03,558 --> 01:21:05,460 THAT'S WHAT, YOU GOT IT. 1900 01:21:05,493 --> 01:21:08,563 I CAN HEAR, I KNOW WHAT THAT LAUGH IS SUPPOSED TO BE. 1901 01:21:08,597 --> 01:21:10,432 AND WHEN IT GOES UP A LITTLE BIT, 1902 01:21:10,465 --> 01:21:12,567 I KNOW THAT I DID IT BETTER THAT TIME 1903 01:21:12,601 --> 01:21:14,102 THAN I USUALLY DO IT. 1904 01:21:14,135 --> 01:21:15,370 AND THAT'S WHAT I LIVE FOR. 1905 01:21:15,403 --> 01:21:17,005 IT'S MAGICAL, YOU KNOW. 1906 01:21:17,038 --> 01:21:18,673 I MEAN, WHEN ALL THE PIECES FIT TOGETHER. 1907 01:21:18,707 --> 01:21:20,976 AND YOU WALK OUT AND THE AUDIENCE IS, 1908 01:21:21,009 --> 01:21:22,644 THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE, THEY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT. 1909 01:21:22,677 --> 01:21:25,347 THEY KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN TO YOURSELF. 1910 01:21:25,380 --> 01:21:28,350 WHAT YOU MEAN TO CULTURE, AND MORE THAN, MORE THAN, EVEN MORE SO, 1911 01:21:28,383 --> 01:21:30,218 WHAT YOU MEAN TO THEM. 1912 01:21:30,252 --> 01:21:33,088 AND WHEN THEY LOVE YOU AND YOU, YOU'RE THERE FOR THEM 1913 01:21:33,121 --> 01:21:36,057 AND YOU CONNECT WITH THEM, IT'S, YOU KNOW, 1914 01:21:36,091 --> 01:21:38,260 IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF, YOU KNOW, PERFECTION. 1915 01:21:38,293 --> 01:21:42,264 STAND UP IS KINDA LIKE, [IMITATING UPBEAT MUSIC] 1916 01:21:42,297 --> 01:21:44,099 LIKE THOSE OLD BEACH MOVIES AND YOU, 1917 01:21:44,132 --> 01:21:46,401 YOU PUT THE BOARD IN THE, [IMITATING UPBEAT MUSIC] 1918 01:21:50,705 --> 01:21:52,407 AND YOU'RE FINALLY RIDIN' THE THING. 1919 01:21:52,440 --> 01:21:53,708 YOU'RE FINALLY RIDIN' IT, YOU'RE FINALLY RIDIN' IT. 1920 01:21:53,742 --> 01:21:56,645 AND THEN, WHOOSH. YOU'RE IN THE TUBE. 1921 01:21:56,678 --> 01:21:59,214 AND YOU'RE LIKE, JOKE, WOW, LAUGH. 1922 01:21:59,247 --> 01:22:01,549 JOKE, WOW, LAUGH. 1923 01:22:01,583 --> 01:22:04,252 GOT THAT? JOKE, WHOO, LAUGH. 1924 01:22:04,286 --> 01:22:07,055 JOKE, WHOO, LAUGH. 1925 01:22:07,088 --> 01:22:08,390 GOODNIGHT. 1926 01:22:08,423 --> 01:22:10,358 HONESTLY, YOU KNOW WHAT FEELS GOOD TO ME 1927 01:22:10,392 --> 01:22:13,361 IS LIKE WHEN I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOW 1928 01:22:13,395 --> 01:22:16,998 I'M IN LIKE, LITERALLY, LIKE, I'M, I'M, I'M A HALF HOUR IN, 1929 01:22:17,032 --> 01:22:19,134 YOU KNOW, 40 MINUTES IN, 1930 01:22:19,167 --> 01:22:21,469 I'M KILLIN'. 1931 01:22:21,503 --> 01:22:24,339 AND I'M LOOKIN' AT THE CROWD, I'M LIKE, 1932 01:22:24,372 --> 01:22:26,675 YOU MOTHERFUCKERS AIN'T HEARD SHIT YET. 1933 01:22:26,708 --> 01:22:29,044 [CREW LAUGHING] 1934 01:22:29,077 --> 01:22:31,212 I LOVE THE FEELING OF IT. 1935 01:22:31,246 --> 01:22:34,549 I LOVE THE FEELING OF THE, THE TIMING OF IT. 1936 01:22:34,582 --> 01:22:37,419 THE SETUP, THE SETUP, THE PUNCH, THE LAUGH, THE SETUP. 1937 01:22:37,452 --> 01:22:39,754 LIKE, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT GETTING INTO THAT RHYTHM 1938 01:22:39,788 --> 01:22:41,589 THAT FEELS SO GOOD. 1939 01:22:41,623 --> 01:22:44,759 WHEN A COMEDIAN'S ON AND YOU TELL THAT JOKE 1940 01:22:44,793 --> 01:22:46,461 AND IT GOES TO THE BACK OF THE HOUSE 1941 01:22:46,494 --> 01:22:49,164 AND IT COMES ROARING BACK TO YOUR FACE, 1942 01:22:49,197 --> 01:22:52,500 THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THAT, UH, THAT FEELIN'. 1943 01:22:52,534 --> 01:22:55,503 YOUR SKIN CRAWLS ABOUT THAT HIGH. 1944 01:22:55,537 --> 01:22:57,238 GOOSEFLESH. 1945 01:22:57,272 --> 01:22:59,774 FROM YOUR FINGERTIPS RIGHT TO YOUR TOES. 1946 01:23:01,810 --> 01:23:03,645 YOU CAN'T TELL THAT TO ANYBODY, 1947 01:23:03,678 --> 01:23:06,114 'CAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 1948 01:23:06,147 --> 01:23:07,749 BUT I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. 1949 01:23:07,782 --> 01:23:10,485 PUMPS THE HEART IN A DIFFERENT WAY. 1950 01:23:10,518 --> 01:23:13,288 HEAD FEEL DIFFERENT, EYES LIGHT UP. 1951 01:23:13,321 --> 01:23:15,523 CELLS IN YOUR BODY, ALL OF 'EM GO LIKE THIS. 1952 01:23:15,557 --> 01:23:17,292 LIKE, YEAH! 1953 01:23:17,325 --> 01:23:18,793 THEY ALL RING LIKE BELLS. 1954 01:23:18,827 --> 01:23:22,564 YEAH! YEAH! 1955 01:23:22,597 --> 01:23:24,733 AND IT CAN BE TEN PEOPLE 1956 01:23:24,766 --> 01:23:26,601 OR 10,000 PEOPLE. 1957 01:23:26,634 --> 01:23:29,304 UH, BUT WHEN YOU FEEL THAT, WHEN YOU MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, 1958 01:23:29,337 --> 01:23:30,705 THERE'S NOTHIN' LIKE THAT FEELIN'. 1959 01:23:30,739 --> 01:23:34,209 THAT LAUGH IS BETTER THAN ANY TROPHY 1960 01:23:34,242 --> 01:23:37,779 OR ANY STUPID PARCHMENT. 1961 01:23:37,812 --> 01:23:40,215 ALL THE HERALDING, THE AWARDING, 1962 01:23:40,248 --> 01:23:41,783 THE TRUMPETING, THE LAUDING. 1963 01:23:41,816 --> 01:23:43,485 WHO CARES? 1964 01:23:43,518 --> 01:23:45,487 WHO CARES? 1965 01:23:45,520 --> 01:23:48,123 YOU'RE A COMEDIAN. THAT, THAT'S YOUR AWARD. 1966 01:24:07,208 --> 01:24:09,577 [CHEERS, WHISTLES]